Pubdate: 11 Jan 1999 Source: Saint Paul Pioneer Press (MN) Contact: http://www.pioneerplanet.com/ Forum: http://www.pioneerplanet.com/watercooler/ Copyright: 1999 PioneerPlanet / St. Paul (Minnesota) Pioneer Press Author: Rhoda Fukushima, Staff Writer EX-ADDICT SAYS ADDICTION LEFT HIM NO PLACE TO GO BUT UP Two years ago, Michael Appel, 28, came to St. Paul from Boston to get clean and sober. He entered Hazelden treatment center and later lived at its halfway house. During his recovery, he gained weight, going from from 140 pounds to 220 pounds on a 6-foot frame. He's now dropped down to 200 pounds. On Sunday, Appel celebrated 30 months of sobriety. "I was using about 20 bags of heroin a day and up to a quarter-ounce of cocaine. I was drinking about a fifth of whiskey a day. I had lost absolutely everything -- most of all, myself. I didn't know who I was. I was a machine. "I had gone in and out of treatments for a number of years. My only active exercise was running from police officers in Boston. "Before, I would eat a candy bar or Rice Krispie treat and a Snapple ice tea once a day. That was the only nourishment I got. "Before I came out here, I was in intensive care for many weeks. I had overdosed. I was actually pronounced dead. They resuscitated me. "When they hit me with the paddles . . . I realized I had a second chance. " I made a decision that I would do whatever they told me to do. I had this little window of opportunity to get my life back. "I had a spiritual awakening. I had an awareness of my death and my life. I always thought drugs would eventually kill me, but it just didn't click. I had lost my brother years earlier to drugs and . . . I knew the pain. I didn't want to put my family through that. "And it was getting too painful. I just couldn't take it anymore. Having to come up with $500 a day just to get by gets taxing on the body and the soul. "When I got here, I was 26 years old. But it was more like I was 12. I didn't know how to function. When I was 12, I had already had a full-blown addiction. "Before, I had been existing. Going through treatment and the halfway house really did teach me how to live -- living with other people, building relationships, working, going to bed at night, waking up in the morning, eating. "I had to learn how to eat. I still don't eat the right things. I would like to eat more healthy, but it's a lot better. The better I eat, the better I feel. I don't always have breakfast every day. I usually have a decent lunch or a decent dinner. A decent lunch would be a turkey sandwich and fruit. That's ideal. I have plenty of cheeseburgers and french fries, too. "I started lifting weights three times a week. And I do some sort of cardio on a cross-trainer machine or Stairmaster. The first 100 days, I went (to the gym) every day. One day, I'll go swimming or do a Spinning class. I try to go six times a week. "When I started exercising, I had difficulty walking up stairs. My body just wasn't used to it. It was like my body had been at rest for a long time. It feels good to have more endurance and stamina. For my entire life, I was never able to sleep. Now sleep is the easiest thing in the world. "It seems so simple now and I ask myself, `why didn't I do this earlier?' "I think I'll always be trying to make progress. When I started working out, I thought I'd be in great shape in two months. But now, a year later, it is not a quick fix. But I'm happy with the progress. "It was hard breaking the old ways. But the thought of going back to that lifestyle seems so much more difficult. It's a lot of pain. Occasionally, I'll get some euphoric recall of what it was like, but it's not true. It's like a mirage. The only thing the drugs have for me is pain and death." "Even if you're addicted or an alcoholic, there is a way out. There is hope, no matter how far down you've gone. I've gone down pretty far and lost everything. But I've come back." Have you accomplished a health or fitness goal? Reduced stress? Gained strength? Quit smoking? If so, let us know. Please e-mail your ideas call Rhoda Fukushima at (651) 228-5444, or mail them to Turning Point, c/o Rhoda Fukushima, 345 Cedar St., St. Paul, MN 55101. - --- MAP posted-by: Mike Gogulski