Pubdate: Sat, 13 Jan 2018
Source: StarPhoenix, The (CN SN)
Copyright: 2018 The StarPhoenix
Author: Cam Fuller
Page: A3


Young people are going to lose one of their last remaining ways to
stick it to The Man

How will marijuana legalization affect us? If only there were a way to
see the future, to look into a crystal bong, so to speak.

Well, we can, more or less. It's been legally sold in Colorado for
four years. Has it turned people there into zombies? Is there more
general giggling than there was before?

The sky hasn't fallen. Various studies indicate that teen consumption
hasn't increased (in fact, it's gone down, according to trusted news
source leafbuyer. com). Traffic fatalities continue on a downward
trend. That's what happens when everybody drives three miles an hour.
And with $230 million going into the treasury in 2016, tax revenues
are so high they can't feel their face.

So maybe it's not going to be the end of civilization. But things are
going to get weird.

More young people than old consume pot. According to the Financial
Post, 61 per cent of people aged 18 to 34 have tried it. Twenty-nine
per cent of that age group used marijuanain the past year. But only 10
per cent of people aged 55 to 64 did, according to

Pot isn't just a way for young people to get high, it's also been a
way for them to tell The Man where to stick it. That's over.

When the country goes to pot, boring, suburban, middle aged,
mortgage-paying blobs of ectoplasm like me can smoke up legally as if
they know what they're doing.

"This Kush is smooth, man." Oh, shut up.

It'll be like old people trying to use internet slang, ROFLing
everything all over the place.

This is probably TMI, but it reminds me of the early days of Facebook
when the StarPhoenix was launching its account. One of our hipsters
was against the idea. Who did we think we were? It made no sense for a
business run by musty adults to try something only cool kids could
understand. Our Facebook page, he said, would be a "creepy tree house."

Well, believe it or not, Uncle Albert has climbed the ladder and he's
up there right now reading your graphic novels and talking about
spliffs and edibles. Did you ever think you'd see the day? Great
saints alive.

But that's not what I'm afraid of. What I'm afraid of is a general
increase in highness.

The fast food industry is ready. In the States, Jack in the Box in
California announced its Merry Munchy Meal at Christmas to coincide
with legalization: two tacos, five churros, three chicken strips and a
drink for the not coincidental price of $4.20.

But aren't there enough people around us already who are intoxicated
in some way? Phone addiction is a legit threat on the roads - sadly,
just as there might be progress in drinking and driving; 1,000 drivers
pulled over on New Year's Eve and only one charged.

But people still like to get drunk.

You know what it's like at a party when you're not drinking. A drunk
can sniff out sobriety like a bloodhound. Inevitably, he will track
you down. And what he'll want to know, in a slobbery-friendly-invasive
manner is "Why're you not drinkin'?" And "Whatdya think - you're
betterin me?" And "You tryinda spoil the party?"

Maybe the dope crowd won't be as aggressive, but there's going to be
that dude who's really, really happy and wants you to be really,
really happy too and he's going to stand uncomfortably close with a
dumb smile and eventually you're going to have to harsh his buzz by

And, of course, your outburst will ruin the party. But temporarily,
I'm guessing, because you're the only one able to transport them to
the drive-thru.

"Seriously, man, totally chill of you to do this for

Yeah, this is going to be a hoot.
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MAP posted-by: Matt