Pubdate: Thu, 07 Jan 2016
Source: Portland Mercury (OR)
Column: Cannabuzz
Copyright: 2016 The Portland Mercury
Author: Josh Jardine


WELL, OREGON: We did it.

We wrapped up the first year (actually, six months) of regulated 
adult-use cannabis, and it went... just fine. No one lost their mind 
and put a baby in the oven while tucking the turkey in, or took a 
toke and then decided, "You know what would be great right about now? 
Some sweet heroin." People in our state weren't exactly ignorant of 
all things weed prior to Measure 91, after all, and the overall 
response seemed to be a charming mix of amusement, curiosity, and 
relief. The panicked concerns of prohibitionists did not come to 
pass, and we went on with our lives just fine, thank you very much, 
albeit with a slightly increased appetite, and a deeper appreciation 
for just how trippy our hands can be.

There were a few missteps that I witnessed firsthand, however-namely 
people overindulging in dabs, then quite literally passing out and 
falling to the ground. This isn't a fatal matter, but it doesn't make 
the canna-consuming community look our best. I budtended one event 
where a tree trunk of a man-6'6" and 300-plus pounds if he was an 
ounce-took a lung-busting hit, upon which his eyes rolled back 
completely into his head and he simply fell backward, stiff as a 
board. I ran to check on him, and when his eyes fluttered open, I 
asked, "You okay, man?" His response was a weak, "Worth it. Totally worth it."

This is not me throwing shade. Pothead Paul Bunyan wasn't the only 
one who made some questionable choices since July 1. Far from it. 
Here, help me shove what's left of my dignity into this wood chipper 
with my second annual "Stupid Stoner Moments."

Marijuanakkah Phase Two

Last year, I recounted my brilliant idea for the retelling of 
Hanukkah, which would involve an oil lamp that burned hash oil 
instead of olive oil, using a-that's right-Marijuanorah. This year, I 
actually took the time to call a menorah distributer back East, and 
ask if they could fashion me one that would run on hash oil. The 
customer service rep paused after my request. "I'm sorry. If I 
understand this right, you want us to make you a menorah/oil lamp 
hybrid, that will burn... what was the term you used?" "Uhhhh... hash 
oil?" I answered. What followed was the longest silence I have ever 
experienced during a phone call. Followed by a click. Which is fine. 
It still stands as a great idea, and I'm trademarking it right now.

Heart of Glass

Glass is fragile. It breaks easily. Many pieces of equipment I use 
have fragile glass components, and they are expensive. So it stands 
to reason I would invest in hard-sided carrying cases with deep foam 
inserts. Not duffle bags with dish towels to wrap said glass pieces. 
That would be very stupid, and result in several hundred dollars of 
broken glass pieces. Spoiler alert: I am a stupid man, who helped 
support the glass accessories marketplace with my aforementioned 
stupidity. On the upside, it helped me craft new, loud swear words. 
So I got that going for me, and that's nice.

Rosin Is Not Resin

We did a photo piece this year ["He Hath Rosin," Feature, July 1] 
with my alchemist friend and Green Bodhi honcho John Bayes, where he 
showed us how you can make a solvent-free concentrate in moments 
using a hair-straightening iron. He calls it "rosin." It's great-you 
should try making some.

So I was excited to try something another friend, David, called "live 
rosin" recently, made from whole plants, not just trim. As is his 
way, David loaded me up with a serving best described as a glob-a 
lima bean-sized portion. He prepared what looked like a glass 
clarinet, and handed it to me. "I've never heard of 'live rosin,'" I 
said just before taking a deep hit. He looked at me. "Dude, not 
rosin-resin. It's way stronger."

That's the last thing I heard before I expelled a cloud that made me 
cough so hard my knees buckled. The coughing continued, and I 
continued my unscheduled appointment with the floor, luckily with my 
hands breaking the fall. I saw stars, and broke into a 
super-attractive facial sweat.

Worth it. Totally worth it.
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MAP posted-by: Jay Bergstrom