Pubdate: Mon, 25 Nov 2024
Source: Seattle Weekly (WA)
Column: Higher Ground
Copyright: 2024 Village Voice Media
Author: Michael A. Stusser


Time to reveal this year's cannabis turkeys-the fattest, most 
frivolous, flapping, dumb-ass ideas in need of being stuffed, baked, 
and smoked once and for all.

Let's start with a turkey large enough for the whole family, and by 
that I mean Gov. Chris Christie. He not only had the nerve to call 
cannabis a gateway drug, but said potheads lack restraint (ahem). "If 
I'm elected president I will go after marijuana smokers and the 
states that allow them to smoke," he said. "I'll shut them down 
big-time. I'm sick of these addicts, sick of these liberals with no 
self-control." Governor GobbleGobble got in one more zinger on the 
campaign trail: "If you're getting high in Colorado today, enjoy it," 
Christie lectured a small crowd last month. "As of January 2017, I 
will enforce the federal laws." Don't hold your breath, Guv. Well, 
unless you inhaled, of course.

Last week the DEA chief, Chuck Rosenberg, called medical cannabis "a 
joke." "What really bothers me is the notion that marijuana is also 
medicinal-because it's not," said pilgrim Rosenberg. "We can have an 
intellectually honest debate about whether we should legalize 
something that is bad and dangerous, but don't call it medicine-that 
is a joke . . . If you talk about smoking the leaf of marijuana-which 
is what people are talking about when they talk about medicinal 
marijuana-it has never been shown to be safe or effective as a 
medicine." Hilarious joke for those being aided by cannabis for 
everything from epileptic seizures to Parkinson's, chronic pain, 
PTSD, and more. Rep. Earl Blumenauer (D-OR) slammed this diatribe 
from the House floor, calling Rosenberg "an inept, misinformed zealot 
who has mismanaged America's failed policy of marijuana prohibition." 
A petition created for this turkey's removal currently 
bears more than 100,000 signatures.

The State of Kansas is still attempting to put Shona Banda, an author 
and medical-marijuana patient, in prison after her young son 
accidentally outed her in a D.A.R.E. presentation. Banda, who uses 
cannabis oil to treat her Crohn's disease, had her 11-year-old taken 
from her when he challenged the school presentation's accuracy based 
on his own firsthand knowledge that marijuana was helping his mom 
battle her illness.

Though her son has since been returned, Banda is still facing felony 
criminal charges, including distribution or possession with intent to 
distribute a controlled substance within 1,000 feet of school 
property; unlawful manufacture of a controlled substance; possession 
of drug paraphernalia; and child endangerment. Banda, who faces 28 
years in prison, will be arraigned in January, and has become a 
spokesperson for legalization, bringing national attention to the 
absurdity of the charges.

As hemp farmer Thomas Jefferson said, "If a law is unjust, a man is 
not only right to disobey it, he is obligated to do so." Or in this 
case, a woman.

Ohio's failed legalization initiative gets the Wishbone Award, 
screwing up not once but in two pieces!

First, the deeply flawed law was a greedy attempt to make billions 
for the 10 millionaires who wrote and backed the initiative in the 
first place; second, it introduced the world to Buddy, a regrettable 
marijuana mascot who resembles Joe Camel. Sixty-four percent of 
voters clearly saw what a sham this attempted oligopoly was, and 
voted it down. But ya know who did support this anti-free market 
boondoggle? The National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana 
Laws. For that, NORML gets a Dumb-Stick. Not everything with the 
words "marijuana" and "legalization" is a good idea, pals.

A 420-friendly resort called CannaCamp was set to open July 1 in a 
gorgeous wilderness area outside Durango, Colo. In addition to scenic 
cabins, weed-infused dinners, and baked yoga classes, the Mary Jane 
Group offered high hiking and a cannabis concierge on its 170 
marijuana-friendly acres.

Unfortunately, the stoners at the MJ Group didn't get the details 
about the ranch's sale a month before cannabis-campers were set to 
arrive. "Dude. Where's my ranch?!"

While the Colorado CannaCampers are now looking for a new location, 
here in Washington we've got hundreds of CannaCampgrounds for all to 
enjoy! They're called parks, and our beautiful state is chock full of 
'em! (Disclaimer: It is illegal to smoke in local, state, or national 
parks. Enjoy!)

Finally, the biggest Turkey of 'Em All was . . . the DEA! In addition 
to the 700,000 annual arrests still taking place for 
marijuana-related offenses (now there's a harvest!), our Drug 
Enforcement Administration is continuing to put up major roadblocks 
when it comes to even researching the benefits of medical cannabis.

The solution to carving up this mega-turkey is simple: Take marijuana 
off the controlled-substances schedule-which currently equates pot 
with heroin and meth and states it has "no medically accepted use" 
and a "high potential for abuse." This will allow doctors and 
scientific researchers to begin exploring, producing, and testing the 
medical benefits of this plant without fear of arrest.

Put that in your pipe and stuff it. #ThankfulforLegalization
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MAP posted-by: Jay Bergstrom