Pubdate: Thu, 03 Apr 2014
Source: Tucson Weekly (AZ)
Copyright: 2014 Tucson Weekly
Author: J.M. Smith


Our Current Cannabis Columnist Takes His Last Gasps

Editor's note (well, not really, but go with it): We regret to inform 
you that J.M. Smith was discovered earlier this week, lying 
motionless in a pool of his own blood, vomit and urine, gripping an 
iPhone 4s (thank God for Siri) after he sent us a text.

He was able to communicate, using only his eyes, that a known 
cannabis hater had cast a particularly vicious aspersion, striking 
him in the right temple and rendering him paralyzed from the eyeballs 
down. He is on a ventilator in an undisclosed location, clinging to 
life, unable to even breathe for himself, with good friend former 
Vice President Dick Cheney by his side.

Using software developed by Google and the National Security 
Administration (under Bush), Mr. Smith was able to blink out the 
following column. Pray for him (to live or die, your choice).

It's ironic that I'm lying here with this ridiculous piece of 
titanium strapped to my face, forcing Dick Cheney to wipe my ass and 
pump gruel into a feeding tube, while the very cannabis haters who 
put me here (figuratively speaking) are going down in flames across 
Arizona and the nation.

Not even two weeks ago, a judge spanked Maricopa County Attorney Bill 
Montgomery in a lawsuit over extracts, clearing the way for patients 
to use cannabis in the forms they need. Then a few days after that, 
the esteemed Supreme Court of the United States, the real supreme 
court, the one that's actually supreme, issued a non-ruling that 
stings the sheriff in Yuma.

Back in 2011, California resident Valerie Okun came through the 
border checkpoint on Interstate 8 near Yuma on her way to Arizona. 
She was caught with some meds, and promptly produced a California 
medical card, which made her cannabis state-legal in both states. But 
federal law being federal law and all, the Border Patrol took her 
cannabis and called the sheriff's department.

Because Arizona recognizes out-of-state cards, the sheriff's 
department let her go. So far, so good, but then things got ugly. 
Yuma County Sheriff Leon Wilmot, an apparent cannabis hater, then 
argued that state law prevented him from giving back her legal 
medication, so he didn't. He decided to spend your money on a legal 
battle, and the case went to court.

After a superior court ruled in Okun's favor, the good sheriff still 
refused to return her meds and spent some more of your hard-earned 
cash on an appeal. Yeah, you're still wrong, Sheriff Leon, said the 
Arizona Court of Appeals. You lose. So Leon reached out his arms and 
swept another pile of your cash together on his desk for the Arizona 
Supreme Court. Nope. Okun 3, Leon 0.

But the long arms of the Arizona law can sweep together a lot of 
piles of your cash, if they want to, so the sheriff did just that. He 
took the case all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court for an appeal.


The highest court in the land refused to revisit the lower courts' 
rulings, which is a victory in name only for Okun, who still doesn't 
have her meds back. And the story isn't even over. Sheriff Leon is 
eyeing your money again, mulling more ways to use it against you and 
Valerie Okun. He isn't sure what he's going to do, according to at 
least one report.

I have an idea. Why don't you comply with the several judges' rulings 
and return Valerie Okun's meds? Why not give up your taxpayer-funded 
fight over senseless state laws that fly in the face of the voters' 
wishes? Why not do the right thing, Sheriff Leon?

- ---
MAP posted-by: Jay Bergstrom