Pubdate: Fri, 06 Dec 2013
Source: Portland Daily Sun (ME)
Copyright: 2013 The Portland Daily Sun
Contact:  http://portlanddailysun.me/
Details: http://www.mapinc.org/media/5257
Author: Natalie Ladd

PARENTING GOES TO POT

Leading by example is one of the top three "to-do's," in almost every 
parenting survival guide.

We all know it, but the expression, "Do as I say, not as I do," has 
gone through the minds (if not the mouths) of every parent who ever existed.

We've all had those minor moments where we profess 
social/moral/ethical correctness but, because we're human, may 
occasionally exhibit behavior otherwise.

Saying but not always doing things like: "Buckle up. You'll get a 
ticket"; "Turn off those lights, we're not the sole supporters of 
CMP"; "Where's your coat? It's the arctic north out there."

One such mantra-inducer is the never boring topic of smoking pot 
(Don't believe it's never boring?

Ask Crash Barry.). It's long been a gray area for many but recently 
in Portland, the complexity of being a parental-hypocrite can be 
heard in many different conversations involving the new pot 
legalization ordinance.

Those conversations go on even though no one is really sure what the law means.

It's legal to have and smoke but not to buy. It's still a state and 
federal offense and too much of a good thing is still a bad thing. 
Regardless, pot is a very hot empty nested topic because most kids 
who smoked "a little pot" in high school are probably smoking "a 
little more pot" as college freshman.

Let me clarify right now that I don't smoke the stuff.

Not because it's illegal but because it makes me feel funny in a way 
that isn't fun. It's been that way since I hacked up a lung after my 
first toke in junior high, and it's probably a good thing.

Therefore, I had no problem sincerely telling my kids to stay away 
from marijuana.

I was saying, "Just say no!" more than Nancy Reagan did in 1986 but, 
somehow, I felt like a bit of a hypocrite anyway.

No matter how black and white parenting rules are, pot is one of 
those areas where, for many, the blinders automatically come on. Pot 
spans the generations and some Baby Boomers incorporated its usage 
into their everyday lives - prior to having children.

Many of us spent the first half our lives hiding stuff from our 
parents and are spending the second half hiding stuff from our kids.

But certainly not all of us. I have friends who smoke pot with their 
college-aged kids and "legal" or not, it feels "wronger" than sitting 
around drinking a few Miller Lites with a still-underage freshman 
home on break.

Those family-smoking friends will read this and say, "Look at Natalie 
(that Tito's cosmo snob) on her high horse over smoking pot." But 
that isn't it at all. The point is, I don't think our kids stop 
looking to us for guidance just because they've grown up a bit and 
moved out. If anything, they're seeing the world through a bit more 
mature eyes. Hopefully, our decisions will be perceived as less 
"control freakish," while they learn the meaning of life. Leading by 
example becomes more important than ever.

A lame but pervasive argument for the advantage of one potentially 
harmful substance over the other is a Miller Lite might escalate into 
a shot of Jagermeister, and smoking weed can lead to progressively 
stronger and stronger stuff (not that alcohol doesn't lead to 
alcoholism). "What are we going to do next," asked one of my 
super-strict parent friends, "legalize LSD and do that with them?"

Admittedly, none of this is that simple.

There have been strong arguments for the legalization and taxation of 
marijuana, along with personal freedom and the right to choose.

It is here that hands-on parenting, leading by example and boundaries 
drawn in the sand get tricky. The parent mentioned above is someone I 
have an immense amount of respect for. He would never dream of caving 
to be cool or compromising an inch on what the law is, be it booze, 
pot or jaywalking. His life is simplified by his boundaries and while 
he is a dad with an iron fist, he oozes compassion.

Unlike that man I admire so much, I have been known to share wine 
with my girls in an attempt to educate them in the basics.

We have ceremonial wine (they learned at a young age it is swill) at 
our holiday table, and both have tasted my house made adult beverages.

I am able to justify all these actions as a matter of personal choice 
in the privacy of my own home.

As far as pot goes, the daughter of one of my friends had her own 
little "summer of love" a few years back. She had a little elephant 
(or was it a turtle?) shaped glass pipe in the glove box of a car 
registered and owned by her mother, which mom rarely drove.

One Saturday morning, my friend impulsively decided to take the car 
to the grocery store and got pulled over for a rear tail light that 
was out. Upon taking the insurance and registration cards out of the 
glove box, the animal shaped pipe fell on the floor in plain view of 
the officer.

There was an extended moment of collective silence and she blurted 
out, "That isn't mine!" She almost threw her own kid under the bus.

She left the scene with a warning on both transgressions and skipped 
the grocery store.

Finding her daughter in front of the TV watching cartoons, they 
talked and the cloud lifted, for good, very shortly thereafter. It 
was a phase and upon retelling her story, some people think getting 
busted would have been "good for her daughter." I didn't.

Our new city motto may be, "Portland. Pot is good here," but it 
doesn't make parenting decisions any easier.

Many people will think I'm missing the point of the new pot laws and 
that may be true. However, societal rules are made for the common 
good (think motorcycle helmets), and no matter how old our children 
are, where they live or what other people are doing, leading by 
example with good results is the best high of all.
- ---
MAP posted-by: Jay Bergstrom