Pubdate: Wed, 23 Oct 2013
Source: Westword (Denver, CO)
Column: Ask A Stoner
Copyright: 2013 Village Voice Media
Contact: http://www.westword.com/feedback/EmailAnEmployee?department=letters
Website: http://www.westword.com/
Details: http://www.mapinc.org/media/1616
Author: William Breathes

DEAR STONER: WILL MY SEASONAL EMPLOYER DRUG-TEST?

Dear Stoner: The holidays are coming up, and I'm thinking about 
getting a seasonal job for extra income. Something with low 
responsibility, like retail or working with Christmas trees.

I enjoy cannabis recreationally. Do you have any advice on how to 
surreptitiously find places of employment that do not conduct a 
new-hire drug test? I'd rather avoid those that do altogether than 
find out about the drug test after they already have all of my 
information. Thanks!

For High-er

Dear For Higher: Urine luck. Get it? Man, we crack ourselves up after 
a few dabs... Anyway, the good news is that most lowpaying, 
low-responsibility seasonal jobs don't give a shit about your 
marijuana use. Christmas-tree stands are great places to work and 
sneak in a toke now and then, just as long as you're not operating a 
chainsaw or anything like that. And if the seasonal gig is anything 
like the jobs my friends have had over the holidays, your boss will 
probably toke with you. Check Craigslist for Christmas-tree stands 
that need help.

In retail, they just need a live body to fold clothes and clean up 
after insane consumers.

Most stores in the mall that will hire your stoned ass aren't going 
to waste the money on drug testing you for a month's worth of 
employment at minimum wage. They know you're getting high, since 
you'd have to be stoned to take the job in the first place. If by 
some chance they do end up asking you for a drug test after the job 
interview, just don't show up. Who cares if they have your 
information? Not showing up doesn't imply you're guilty of drug use - 
not to mention that the 24-year-old half-drunk manager at Lucky Brand 
jeans is too busy sifting through a hundred other applications and 
trying to land a rich, hot customer to even notice if you don't 
follow through. If you're that concerned, call him up and tell him 
you got a better job offer at H&M.

But screw a low-rent, part-time gig, man. Shoot for the stars with 
your stoned self. Take this actual job placement from an architecture 
firm in Telluride looking for a new junior architect: "Please note 
that Telluride, Colorado is a highly unique location," writes Max 
Strang Architecture. "Applicants should be comfortable with a 
location that has unparalleled alpine scenery, amazing cultural 
festivals, unmatched snow skiing and abundant outdoor activities. 
Marijuana is legal."
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MAP posted-by: Jay Bergstrom