Pubdate: Sun, 12 May 2013
Source: San Bernardino Sun (CA)
Copyright: 2013 Los Angeles Newspaper Group
Contact:  http://www.sbsun.com/
Details: http://www.mapinc.org/media/1417
Author: John Weeks

LET'S TAKE THE HIGH ROAD ON MEDICAL MARIJUANA ISSUE

Having fixed all its other problems, San Bernardino now is committing 
all its resources to busting pot shops.

These are among the few stores left in San Bernardino that actually 
do any business, so it's important to root them out, so the city's 
bottom line can be kept at the bottom.

The sale of medical marijuana is legal in California, but the state 
Supreme Court now has ruled that cities can use local zoning 
ordinances to shut down dispensaries if they choose to do so. San 
Bernardino chooses to do so, and is going after the easy pickings 
with unusual gusto.

You know, I hear all the talk about how the availability of medical 
marijuana is driving an upsurge in drug use and contributing to an 
epidemic of crime, and ruining all hopes for a peaceful society.

But I don't know. The only outbreak of hostile behavior involving 
potheads I ever witnessed took place a long time ago, and didn't 
amount to much. I watched two buddies argue with great vehemence for 
most of two or three minutes, though it must have seemed like hours 
to them, over the vital issue of which record album to play next: 
Jefferson Airplane or Jethro Tull. I swear, things actually might 
have come to blows if not for the fact that the two combatants both 
were digging deeply with their hands into a giant bag of tortilla chips.

I must say, however, that despite this one shocking incident, I never 
have heard any news about unruly potheads terrorizing society. There 
may be lots of stories about stoners running amok in this or that 
village, looting and pillaging, but I've missed all of them, I guess.

Now, we soon shall see whether shutting down the pot shops brings a 
new era of peace and prosperity to San Bernardino. And, believe me, 
if it does, I am going to suggest we expand the cleanup campaign to 
include other potentially dangerous businesses.

That's right, once we get these potheads under control, we won't stop there.

Most of you don't know it, because you are respectable members of the 
community, but every grocery store in the land offers for sale a 
giddy assortment of attractively packaged poisons that, if ingested, 
will cause great sickness and possible death. In fact, probable death.

I am referring, of course, to insecticides, bleaches and spot 
removers. Unlike marijuana, which is a natural inhabitant of God's 
splendid creation, insecticides and bleaches and spot removers are 
artificial toxic chemical potions that absolutely are not part of 
nature. In fact, they are anti-nature, created in the laboratories of 
man for the express purpose of destroying natural manifestations such 
as bugs, dirt and stains.

The fact that any 6-year-old child with pocket money can walk into 
one of these so-called businesses and purchase these lethal 
substances is beyond belief.

We not only must shut down the grocery stores, we also must put a 
stop to hardware stores. Many of you may not know it, being the 
upstanding citizens that you are, but these seemingly innocent 
establishments are filled with axes, hatchets, pitchforks and even chainsaws.

It's like a horror show in there!

Why these dens of lethal terror are allowed to exist in our fragile 
society is a mystery to me. If they are padlocked tomorrow, it won't 
be too soon.

But our work still won't be done. Please take a seat, gentle reader, 
and try to remain calm, because I now must tell you that there are 
certain unsavory quarters, located in every city of our beloved 
America, where you actually can buy guns.

You heard me correctly. Guns.

Unlike marijuana, which is a leafy plant that never is mentioned in 
news stories as a murder weapon, guns are devices intentionally made 
for the express purpose of destroying life.

It may be hard to believe that there are venues, open to the public, 
that sell these items to paying customers, but it's true. And it's shocking.

I'm sure that all of you who believe it's important that we 
immediately put a stop to the medical marijuana dispensaries will 
join me in an urgent campaign to also shut down the grocery stores, 
hardware stores and gun stores. Our future depends on it.

Oh, and speaking of the future, where's that other giant bag of tortilla chips?
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MAP posted-by: Jay Bergstrom