Pubdate: Mon, 19 Nov 2012
Source: Denver Post (CO)
Copyright: 2012 The Denver Post Corp
Contact:  http://www.denverpost.com/
Details: http://www.mapinc.org/media/122
Author: Jeff McAbee
Note: Jeff McAbee is a graduate teaching assistant at Colorado State
University and is pursuing a master's degree.
Page: 15A

LIGHTING UP WITH GRANDMA IN THE KITCHEN

Without being hassled by the man, we are now free to get loaded,
publicly. One and a quarter-million Coloradans (54.8 percent of the
electorate) passed Amendment 64 and finally, after all these years,
the counter-culture has become the mainstream and mainstream has
become the counter-culture. Take that, Tim Leary.

The vibe has already changed. Gone are the stereotypes, the
lava-lamp-lit, shades-drawn hippie emporiums filled with long-haired
Jeff Spicolitypes and "whimsical tragical" skinny fingered girls.
Nope, over half of Colorado is high. And if I'm not high right now,
then that means you are, or at least he or she is. The guy painting my
bedroom definitely is, and so is that dude stopped at a green light.

Oh, sure, there are still a few hurdles to get over, but the people
have spoken. Give them what they want. Keep your federal hands out of
our weed jars. Legalization changes the conversation for good.

We'll get to talk about pot openly and honestly. You can finally admit
to your parents that you smoke and have "for years." It will
undoubtedly explain a few things.

A friend of mine just told me that she got a call from her stepdad
this week. They are planning to visit Colorado for Thanksgiving. He
wanted to know if she could get him some "reefer" for the holiday.
Barriers are coming down.

You'll be able to "wake and bake" with your grandmother. You'll share
a laugh when she realizes that you didn't mean biscuits and instead
meant that you were going to light up first thing in the morning.

Who knows? Maybe you can get her off Celebrex and on the kind green
buds (kgb). You'll explain to her how good it is for arthritis. She'll
protest because of the smoke and you'll teach her how to use a
vaporizer. Without a little thing like the law to keep her from using
marijuana, she'll be free to "pull some tubes," give it a go, and run
it up the flagpole. Her first coughing fit will be a bit
disconcerting, but you two will work through that.

Soon, she'll have you out in the backyard digging up the hollyhocks
and putting in six cannabis plants. Horticulture classes will sprout
up everywhere as people realize that not being able to grow tomatoes
is a good indication that they can't grow weed, either.

Yet hundreds of thousands of pot farmers will emerge from grow light
illuminated basements, from their foil-lined walls and intricate hydro
systems into the light of day, freed by legalization to grow in the
open air. Electricity use decreases, as does our dependence on foreign
oil as pot growers go solar.

But if criminalization of marijuana was bad, I'm afraid what
legalization might mean for the 54.8 percent.

Once the government gets involved, there are some consequences. It's
all good when it's for education, but remember that alcohol is marked
up 52 percent from the wholesale price, and taxed. With schools to
fund, banks to prop up, and smart grid cities to rescue, a $400 ounce
of weed will soon be going for $700. Ask anyone who can remember $1
packs of cigarettes and $5 quarts of whiskey and they'll corroborate
this.

At least your kids will be skilled in mass unit conversion. One ounce
equals about 28 grams.

Increased funding for education will produce smarter students. One of
them will inevitably invent a roadside test for THC, producing more
revenue for the state as potheads pay millions in DUI fines, court
costs, court-ordered counseling, monitored sobriety and meetings with
the newly formed MADS (Mothers Against Driving Stoned).

This would all be OK, but big business will see how much money can be
made. Large, industrial growers will get involved in all aspects of
the means of production and develop a transgenic cannabis strain,
THC-420, genetically modified for fast growth, drought tolerance,
insect resistance, and reasonably low THC levels.

Environmentalists will take to the street demanding locally grown,
fair trade, free-range weed. Of course, you'll only be able to find it
in the organic section of Trader Joe's for $1,500 an ounce.

These huge corporate cannabis conglomerates will hype their products
with mega-stars like Jay-Z with massive advertising campaigns meant to
build brand loyalty. I can seem him rapping. The camera cuts to him
standing in front of a massive audience. He sings. "Smoke two joints
in the morning. Smoke two joints at night."
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MAP posted-by: Matt