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SHERIFF LEON LOTT SHOULD STOP THE POLITICKING

Sheriff Lott is using the Michael Phelps incident for his own shameless exposure and abusing his position as sheriff for political purposes.  There are bound to be countless editorials on this subject this week but mine will be different: because when I started writing this, I was as high as a kite.

As soon as I heard the news that Lott had ordered the arrest of college-aged kids in connection with the Phelps bong hit, I called a very successful pot smoking friend and said, "I need to smoke." She was very confused as I am known as a staunch non-smoker, but Lott had driven me to the edge.

I immediately grabbed a pizza from the freezer, a few beers and a large bag of Cheetos and headed her way.  The piece I smoked from was more of a work of art than a pipe.  A blown glass USC Gamecock, appropriately, sat perched on the edge of the bowl area, which is where I packed the marijuana.  I took a deep hit, and for a moment I was almost grateful that the stresses of the Michael Phelps case drove me to it.  I don't remember much after that -exploding memories in a minefield of tension sporadically relieved by waves of euphoric nonsense.  Just look at this shag carpet, man.  I've never really laid down and studied it like this; it's like a jungle, a complete ecosystem.  God, it's beautiful.  That decides it: this summer I'm gonna sell everything I own and trek through the Amazon and maybe forage in the trees for a few years.  Just a loincloth and a walking stick, man, cause that's how mankind is supposed to live.  Forget your laws and rules and...  You know, I'd never really noticed before, but after having watched it three times tonight, I can definitively argue that "Harry and the Hendersons" is one of the high points in American cinema.  Can you pass the Crunch n' Munch?

[Remainder snipped]