Pubdate: Wed, 20 Jun 2007 Source: Windsor Star (CN ON) Copyright: 2007 The Windsor Star Contact: http://www.canada.com/windsor/windsorstar/ Details: http://www.mapinc.org/media/501 Author: Gloria Bacci ADDICTS TRADE MALICE FOR GOOD WILL When Tim Kreitzner learned how to forgive, he felt a sense of freedom. Not only did this peace of mind help him rebuild relationships, it also gave Kreitzner strength to battle alcoholism. "Forgiveness is more for yourself than for the person you're forgiving," said Kreitzner, a LaSalle native. "For me to forgive that person sets me free." According to a researcher from the University of Windsor, Kreitzner isn't alone. By letting go of grudges and learning to forgive, recovering addicts can reduce their risk of relapse, said Kenneth Hart, a psychology professor. "We know that anger and emotional distress are triggers that cause people to fall off the wagon," said Hart, who studied 66 recovering alcoholics, all of whom had a grudge. "We can stop this yo-yo cycle if we can get people's emotions under control." And teaching forgiveness is one way to do that, he said. Paul Mestancik, a recovering cocaine and alcohol addict, said forgiveness has been a key part of his treatment at Brentwood Recovery Home in Windsor. Through his group and one-on-one sessions, Mestancik said he has learned how to let go of misplaced resentment toward his mother. "Forgiveness boils down to you trading off anger and resentment for compassion and understanding," said the Sarnia native. "It sort of defuses the need to go out and hide from your problems through escapism and addiction." Forgiving is not an event, but a long process that involves developing empathy, said Hart. "(It) is a shift in your attitude." It's a softening of your heart," he said. "You can't be happy and be unforgiving." Thoughts of malice and revenge can be gradually replaced by benevolence and good will, he said. However, forgiveness does not mean forgetting the past, nor does it necessitate reconciliation, said Hart. He said he'd never expect someone to become best friends with an enemy. Instead, forgiveness is about healing past wounds and promoting well-being for the forgiver. "Nurturing grudges has been shown to be injurious to physical and mental health," he said. Hart said research has linked grudges and rage to weakened immune systems and increased risk of heart attacks. Forgiveness comes in one of two forms: introverted and extroverted. Extroverted forgiveness is done face to face, and it often expresses a desire to reconcile, said Hart. Introverted forgiveness is private, and does not need to be articulated to the other person. In fact, Hart said, it is counter-productive to verbally express forgiveness to an unrepentant person. Hart is compiling his findings into an article for peer review, which he expects to be published this summer. Next year, Hart said he plans to initiate a second study on forgiveness, using problem gamblers. Ultimately, Hart said he'd like to see forgiveness counselling employed to help avoid relapses among everyone from recovering drug addicts to couples with marital problems. "I think (forgiveness) has a wide applicability," he said. "I'm interested in trying to increase the chance that people lead a sustained, health-promoting lifestyle." - --- MAP posted-by: Derek