Pubdate: Fri, 16 Feb 2007
Source: Statesman Journal (Salem, OR)
Copyright: 2007 Cagle Cartoons
Contact:  http://www.statesmanjournal.com/
Details: http://www.mapinc.org/media/427
Author: Tom Purcell
Note: Tom Purcell is a humor columnist nationally syndicated by Cagle 
Cartoons.
Bookmark: http://www.mapinc.org/topics/industrial+hemp

GEORGE WASHINGTON MAKEOVER

"What do you mean America's youth don't know who George Washington was?"

"Dude?"

"He was our first president, our best president and one of the 
primary reasons the experiment called America was able to work. But 
of course they don't teach you that in school anymore."

"Dude?"

"Scholars and historians deemed Washington to be our greatest 
president in a Wall Street Journal survey. But another survey shows 
that Washington's coverage in history textbooks has declined to less 
than 10 percent of what it was in the early 1960's."

"Dude?"

"Sure, to your generation Washington was just a boring old guy. He 
isn't as captivating as the pop singers, movie stars and professional 
athletes you worship.  That's why the people at Mt. Vernon, 
Washington's estate, had to raise $110 million dollars to reshape 
Washington's image."

"Dude?"

"The Mount Vernon people constructed a new orientation center, 
education center and museum right on the grounds of Mt. Vernon. These 
new facilities, which opened in October, 2006, feature the story of a 
younger, studlier George Washington."

"Dude?"

"The presentations are designed to appeal to short-attention-span 
kids like you who get most of their information from MTV. A 15-minute 
film uses action-packed techniques to feature Washington's 
significant accomplishments."

"Duuuuude?"

"No, the film and multimedia presentations do not feature Washington 
blowing up terrorists, nor does Arnold Schwarzenegger costar. But 
they do tell the story of a remarkable man."

"Dude?"

"Did you know that Washington was born into a modestly well-to-do 
family? What little education he got was given to him by his father 
and stepbrother. He was a farmer and surveyor and through some 
inheritance, shrewd business dealings and hard work, he grew his fortune."

"Dude?"

"From early on he was a natural leader. He had an imposing presence, 
standing nearly 6'3" at a time when the average man was about 5'8". 
And he was invincible.  During one battle in the French and Indian 
war, four bullets ripped his coat and two horses were shot from under 
him, yet he was unscathed."

"Dude?"

"He represented the rebellious American spirit, you see, and he led 
the charge to break away from the restrictions and regulations of the 
British. In 1775, he took command of our motley crew of an army and 
led it in a war that lasted six grueling years."

"Dude?"

"And, dude, he didn't have much chance of winning against the 
British. Nonetheless, he used American ingenuity to completely outwit 
them. He retreated when they expected him to fight, he fought when 
they expected him to retreat. Many historians believe that no other 
man could have won this war. Without Washington, America's history 
would have been completely different."

"Dude?"

"After he beat the British, he was so popular he could have become a 
king. Instead, he used his immense power to help establish our 
Constitution, which grants power to us little folks. Then he 
reluctantly became our first president. He wanted nothing to do with 
the job, but knew our fledgling government needed his leadership to survive."

"Dude?"

"After eight long years as president, Washington finally returned to 
his beloved Mt. Vernon to farm and enjoy life. But he lived only 
three years in retirement before dying at the young age of 67."

"Dude?"

"The point is, dude, that one man can make a remarkable difference in 
the world. Washington was truly a hero -- a man who lived his life by 
simple virtues and a sense of duty. Without Washington, the 
experiment we call America might not have worked."

"Dude?"

"That is why the people at Mt. Vernon have gone to so much trouble to 
make sure we don't forget Washington's incredible story. I urge you 
to visit Mt. Vernon soon and learn all you can about this remarkable 
man. Now do you have any questions?"

"Dude?"

"Oh, for goodness sakes. Yes, it's true that Washington grew hemp, 
also known as marijuana. But he used it to make rope and clothing. He 
didn't smoke it!"

"Duuuuude!"
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