Pubdate: Mon, 05 Jun 2006
Source: Deseret Morning News (Salt Lake City, UT)
Copyright: 2006 Deseret News Publishing Corp.
Contact:  http://www.desnews.com/
Details: http://www.mapinc.org/media/124
Author: Linda Thomson
Bookmark: http://www.mapinc.org/find?159 (Drug Courts)
Bookmark: http://www.mapinc.org/meth.htm (Methamphetamine)

MOM BATTLES BACK FROM METH ADDICTION TO SAVE HER FAMILY

WEST POINT -- Now that she's clean and sober, one of the things that 
amazes Angie Barfuss is the amount of effort she used to put into her 
meth use. Jeffrey D. Allred, Deseret Morning NewsAngie Barfuss, who 
recently finished her drug treatment program, sits with one of her 
daughters, Sydney, in West Point.

"Drug addiction is like a job -- it takes all your time," the 
33-year-old mother of four says now. "You have to make the call, get 
the money, get the hook-up, drive to get it and do the drug." She's 
also stunned at how deluded she was. She didn't even see what her 
two-year bout of methamphetamine addiction was doing to every aspect 
of her life. She could be malnourished and haggard, but thought she 
looked slim and pretty. She was a frenzied whirl of activity and 
truly believed all her divorced-mom "multi-tasking" was helping her 
children. "I thought I was Supermom," she said. "For two years, I was 
probably incoherent, but I thought I was a good mom." She was wrong.

After each high wore off, she crashed into a long, coma-like sleep. 
The house was a mess. Her children, now ranging in age from 5 to 13, 
foraged for themselves for food, were routinely late to school and 
basically just ignored. Barfuss shudders now at the unsavory "baby 
sitters" she would leave the children with to score drugs, but at the 
time, it all made sense to her. It was only after some tough love 
from her own mother, Joanne Pro, that things changed. Her mother 
turned Barfuss in to the Division of Children and Family Services for 
drug use. After a hair follicle test revealed the presence of meth, 
Barfuss lost custody of her children. Her mom took them in rather 
than have them go into foster care, and Barfuss agreed to get them 
back by going through drug court. Even then, Barfuss admits she was 
lying to herself, privately insisting she didn't really have a 
problem. She figured she could bluff her way through it. Wrong again.

Everything changed, Barfuss said, when she embarked on the rigorous 
work that drug court demands. She was forced to admit she really was 
an addict -- just like all the others -- and she struggled to gain 
the necessary tools to become a recovering addict and stay clean. Her 
slide into addiction had happened subtly, but with terrifying speed. 
She had smoked some pot and drank liquor in high school, but wasn't 
doing anything like that when she ran into some old friends who 
offered her meth to snort. At the time, her beloved father had died 
and she figured this was a quick way to ease the pain. "I was so 
depressed," she said. "When I did meth, it numbed me. I didn't feel a 
thing." Drug experts insist methamphetamine is an unusually addictive 
drug and even dabbling once or twice can yank some people into the 
morass of abuse. Barfuss was one of those. Unlike many drug court 
participants, she was not charged with a crime (police raided the 
house, but didn't find enough evidence to make a case), so no 
criminal penalties were hanging over her head. She was, however, 
highly motivated to get her kids back. In her West Point home 
recently, she pulls out a huge folder crammed with homework 
assignments required by one of her counselors -- everything from a 
self-evaluation to a relapse plan to a list of self-defeating 
behaviors. Among other things, she had to identify what triggers 
relapses for her, and learn to make time for herself to relax and 
stay balanced. One of her greatest problems, Barfuss discovered, was 
that even before she became an addict, she lied constantly because 
she didn't feel good enough compared to other people. She thought she 
had to live up to an image of Perfect Wife, Perfect Mom, Perfect 
Person -- and when that didn't work, she would fake it. Her drug 
court program was demanding, including regular individual and family 
counseling, twice-weekly group substance abuse counseling, attendance 
at two different 12-step programs, random urine tests, weekly court 
appearances and community service. Barfuss had only limited and 
supervised visits with her children at first, and they also got 
counseling. As Barfuss began showing more responsibility and doing 
better in the program, her visit time gradually increased and 
eventually she was allowed to take them home for an 80-day trial 
period that was successful. (A former husband has full custody of one 
child, although Barfuss now has regained regular visitation rights.) 
Most people spend about two years in drug court, although some can 
finish a few months earlier. A handful of people continue in drug 
court for as long as four years. Barfuss whipped through the program 
in less than a year. What motivated her?

"My family," she said. "I missed my children." She also had a solid 
support system.

Just before she lost her kids, Barfuss was remarried to a man named 
Joe Barfuss, who she says understood that she had serious problems. 
"He's very supportive; he stuck by me." Her extended family, 
including her brother, Dee Pro, and his wife, Anna, and their young 
daughter, Leta, also were there for her. Barfuss also was pleasantly 
surprised to get encouragement from 2nd District Juvenile Judge 
Kathleen Nelson, who supervised Barfuss' progress and had the power 
to jail Barfuss for three days if she relapsed. "She was awesome," 
Barfuss says.

Barfuss said she never once slipped and did drugs, finished all the 
required work and proudly graduated from drug court May 23 with her 
family, including her overjoyed mother, in attendance. "My Mom cried 
at court and was very happy. She said, 'I have my daughter back,' " 
Barfuss recalls. Pulling herself out of the pit was a chore, but well 
worth it. Today, her children are home, her marriage is happy, the 
house is clean, and Barfuss herself looks healthy and attractive, 
with a ready smile and no trace of the formerly rail-thin, 
sunken-eyed lost soul she once was. The future looks bright. "I will 
work on my recovery the rest of my life," Barfuss said. Once her 
youngest is in school full time, Barfuss plans to find work with 
handicapped children or adults, and is considering going back to 
school. Her children were taken from her July 1, 2005.

So what's in store for July 1, 2006? "We're going camping as a family 
and celebrate," Barfuss said. "I'm going to ask my mom to be there 
and Dee and Anna. I have a family."
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MAP posted-by: Beth Wehrman