Pubdate: Sun, 10 Dec 2006
Source: Morning Star, The (CN BC)
Copyright: 2006 The Morning Star
Contact:  http://www.vernonmorningstar.com/
Details: http://www.mapinc.org/media/1352

FINDING LIFE AFTER METH

The one defining thing Jane recalls about crystal meth is how fast it 
took her down. "I'm damn lucky I'm not dead," said the 22-year-old.

Jane's use of crystal meth began around age 14. But her overall drug 
use started even earlier than that, at 11-years-old.

"I was abused as a child and I started using drugs to numb my feelings.

"I thought, 'well, how is that going to make me feel because I don't 
feel great right now.'"

Because of a progressive disease and addictive personality, Jane's 
world was easily consumed by drugs and alcohol.

"I'm so powerless over any substance," said Jane, admitting that her 
first drunk was around age nine.

Her friends, family and peers watched the drugs become a priority in 
her life and "they watched me go down so hard."

Now that she's clean, Jane can see what the drugs, but particularly 
crystal meth did to her.

"I was totally anemic. I had iron deficiencies. I would always shake, 
I couldn't even hold a cup of coffee."

She was five foot seven inches and weighed less than 100 pounds. She 
didn't eat and became constipated.

"Not things a person who respected themselves would do."

She remembers the attractiveness meth had and how it made her feel.

"It's definitely not like ecstasy or anything like that. You can stay 
awake for longer.

"It's a different crowd that does it. They have a really smart style, 
they seem like really nice people to be around.

"But it really makes people evil."

She remembers how she was killing herself.

"I woke up one morning after a binge and something inside me told me 
I was going to die if I didn't get help.

"My soul was dead and my body was slowly dying after."

Jane went into treatment at age 17 in Vancouver for six months, but 
her sober life didn't last long.

"I just started smoking pot again, started drinking and then I moved 
up to Kelowna and got really sick again (doing crystal meth)."

Then her life took a turn for the better when she found out she was 
pregnant and quit everything.

"But then after I had her I just started drinking again, smoking pot, 
started doing coke and it slowly progressed, getting worse and worse."

But for the third and final time, Jane turned back to the 12-step 
program that once cleaned up her life and for nearly two years now 
she's been free of drugs and alcohol.

Including crystal meth.

"I haven't done meth since I've been in Vernon. If I wanted to I know 
I could but I don't want that in my life anymore."

She knows that if she even started drinking again, because of her 
disease she would be right back where she was two years ago.

"It would be like a person with diabetes who eats sugar all the time, 
they can't do it, they know they're going to die."

Jane said she feels lucky now that she has found the medicine for her 
disease through support group meetings.

"Cancer patients don't have a cure to their disease and I do, that's 
my meetings."

Although Jane said she'll be attending those meetings for the rest of 
her life, it is what is giving her life. A life that includes her 
three-year-old daughter.

"Today I have choices."
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MAP posted-by: Elaine