Pubdate: Wed, 04 Jan 2006
Source: Agassiz Harrison Observer (CN BC)
Copyright: 2006 Agassiz Observer
Contact:  http://www.agassizharrisonobserver.com/
Details: http://www.mapinc.org/media/1344
Author: James Baxter
Bookmark: http://www.mapinc.org/coke.htm (Cocaine)
Bookmark: http://www.mapinc.org/heroin.htm (Heroin)
Bookmark: http://www.mapinc.org/meth.htm (Methamphetamine)
Bookmark: http://www.mapinc.org/rehab.htm (Treatment)

PARENTS SHARE STORIES OF THEIR KIDS ON DRUGS

The devastating affect drug addiction has on the user is generally
recognized. But, like a spider-web that radiates outward from its
middle threads, the addiction's implications spread throughout the
user's network of friends and family.

Parents of local drug addicts met at Agassiz-Harrison Community
Services (AHCS) last week to share their personal stories of
frustration, anxiety and desperation. One mom said caring for her son,
who has been smoking heroin for six years, has taken its toll on the
lives of everyone around him.

"I have no life, no happiness," she says, solemnly. " He has taken
everything with his decision. Everyone has suffered because of his
wrong choice."

For example, her other young son, who has never touched drugs, smoked
or drank, has not received as much attention from his parents as his
troubled sibling.

The woman says she is exasperated by the pattern of lies, mistrust and
worry that has enveloped every waking moment. When he is high, his
behaviour changes, he holes up in his room playing video games or
leaves the house at odd hours for long periods of time.

"One person is sick, but everybody is suffering," she said, adding
when the 26-year-old is clean, he is social, intelligent and caring.
"The drug is so powerful, it pulls them away from everything."

A father said his daughter's crack cocaine use has forced he and his
wife to reorganize their own lives, in part to occasionally care for
their infant grand-daughter. It isn't unusual for the 35-year-old
woman to leave the baby in their care and then disappear for two or
three days, he explained.

"We can't plan anything because we don't know what's around the
corner," he said. "We can make plans, but more often than not we have
to change them."

She can stay clean for months at a time and then suddenly relapse, he
noted.

"You are taken up with it that your own life suffers; you don't do the
things you normally do," he explained. "You go out and enjoy a social
evening, you may bowl; now you don't do that because you ... feel
rotten. So you just sit there and mope, say 'I'm not going out, there
she goes again.'"

Both parents, who spoke to the Observer on the condition that their
identities be protected, said they were blind sided by the revelation
their children were drug users. The man said he grew up in a drug-free
environment and was stunned to learn his daughter, who is a mother of
three, had dabbled in soft drugs for almost a decade before turning to
the harsher crack cocaine.

"We had never seen drugs and we are both retired," he said. "Suddenly
we've got a little baby, a [teen] and an occasional [other teen] and
we have a two-bedroom place that is really only a one bedroom place."

The woman said her son came to them and admitted he had a drug
problem, but they suspected it was only marijuana until a medical
clinic visit to treat his high blood pressure revealed his
predilection for heroin.

"That night we found out," she said. "I knew enough. I knew it is the
worst drug ever.

"God knows how many nights we [she and her husband] talked and cried
without him knowing."

Both were also lost in terms of what to do, where to seek help, and
how to help their kids slip free of their addictions. As the man
pointed out: "you can try to coax them out of it, threaten them out of
it, isolate them out of it, tie them up out of it ... but in the end
they've got to do it themselves."

He said he has become accustomed to the lies that seem to come
naturally and often from his daughter. He also wonders, should she
lose her children, if she'll have the will, ultimately, to choose them
over the drugs.

AHCS Addictions Counsellor Bill Turner said he often finds it more
difficult working with families of users than with the users
themselves. The biggest thing he can provide is hope.

"I think it is important to understand they [addicts] do not like
where they are at; they hate it as much if not more than you do,"
Turner explains to the parents. "The person with the addiction is so
lost in themselves, therefore people who love them lose sight of their
identity ; all they see is a mess."

Turner has been working with both families and says things are looking
positive in both cases. The young man was prescribed methadone , a
synthetic form of heroin used to wean addicts off the drug, and two
weeks ago managed to drop it, too.

"A lot of addicts have a hard time giving up the methadone, but he
chose to cut it," Turner explained before addressing the dad. "In his
daughter's case, she has not experienced the real devastating affects
of what can still be in store for her [and] that is part of the process."

The father said he is trying to get her into rehab, but has become
frustrated with the lack of public funding and resources to assist
him.

The system makes you feel almost guilty, he opines.

He remains hopeful for her eventual recovery, however.

"I know for three months everything is fine, she's clean, and then its
off on a tangent again," he said. "If she can do it for three months,
I am sure she can do it forever."

Treatment can be an expensive proposition, costing thousands and
thousands of dollars.

"I know a couple in retirement mode who spent better than $75,000 and
got positively nowhere, simply because the individual was just so
wired," Turner said. "They thought they could come up with the magic
amount of money for the magic treatment for the magic cure."

He has also seen couples break up after 50 years marriage.

"One of the saddest things I see is the really elderly parents, 75 or
85 or 90 years-old who end up with their grandchildren being drumped
on their doorstep and they have no clue whatsoever about anything and
this nightmare coming in."

It's a nightmare that has slipped into the father's sleeping hours.

"I wake up at 3 a.m. wondering what's going to happen today," he said.
"I don't have a chance of going back to sleep. I stare at the ceiling
wondering what is going to happen today."
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MAP posted-by: Larry Seguin