Pubdate: Mon, 16 May 2005
Source: Pacific Daily News (US GU)
Copyright: 2005 Pacific Daily News
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Details: http://www.mapinc.org/media/1122
Bookmark: http://www.mapinc.org/youth.htm (Youth)

HAVING THE CONVERSATION

The saying, "It takes an entire village to raise a child," rings true
when it comes to keeping youths safe from drugs.

Parents can't be everywhere their children are. When it comes to
monitoring their teens, parents have to rely on other family members,
neighbors and coaches, as well as other people with whom their teens
interact or look up to.

So how can parents initiate those important conversations with the
rest of the family, with neighbors and with their teen's mentors?

The Pacific Daily News, its community partners and co-sponsor Mobil
Oil Guam have launched the eight-month "Cool ... Just as I Am"
project, a communitywide awareness effort against substance abuse
among youths.

In its efforts to help parents open the lines of communication with
their kids, their family and other people in their teens' lives, this
article shares some "talking points" for parents provided by the
National Youth Anti-Drug Media Campaign, which can be found online at
www.theantidrug.com.

. With the Family

On Guam, "the family" usually includes aunts and uncles, godparents
and cousins. Parents should employ everyone to participate in keeping
their child drug-free. Children can help monitor the teen in need of
help.

Here are some suggested statements for that conversation:

Drug and alcohol use by teens is not allowed in this
family.

There are consequences for bad behavior in this family. Are you clear
about them?

If you know that your brother or sister is using alcohol or drugs, we
expect you to tell us. This is not "snitching;" rather, it is loving
your sibling by not enabling her.

We are here to support and protect all our children from danger.
That's what families do for each other.

. With an Adult Influencer

Parents can also seek help from adults who their child interacts with
to deliver or reinforce an anti-drug message. Those adults can be
coaches, mentors, faith leaders, scout leaders, etc.

Here's how to approach them:

I have a family problem that I need help with. I hope that you'll be
able to give me some advice or direct me to someone who can help.

My teen looks up to you as his coach and mentor. Is there something
you can do to help me get through to him?

I need your help with a problem that my child may have, but I need
your assurance that my child will not be singled out because I'm
telling you about it. Can you give me that assurance?

Have you ever had to deal with teen drug use on your team before? How
did you handle it in the past?

Do you ever talk to your team members/scout group/church group about
using drugs or alcohol? If not, would you be willing to talk to them
or bring in a community volunteer to talk with them? It would help me
if you reinforced what I am trying to teach my child at home -- that
there is no drug or alcohol use allowed by teens in our family.

. With Other Parents or Friends

When it comes to family problems, it is culturally understood that you
don't share or disclose those problems outside the family.

But when it comes to addressing your teen's drug problem, you may need
to reach out to a friend who has had experience with the troubles you
are going through, or talk to the parents or guardians of your child's
friends.

Here are some suggestions for starting that conversation:

I have found out that my child has been using drugs and alcohol, and I
am taking action with him/her. I have reason to believe that your
child was using as well. I am telling you because I know I would want
you to tell me if the situation were reversed.

I am concerned that our children may be using drugs or alcohol. This
is why I suspect it is so. What do you think we can do to help our
kids?

This is very hard for me to talk about and I ask that you just hear me
out. I worry that our kids are using drugs. I have come to you to talk
about it, and for us to figure out what to do.

I worry that my teen is using drugs or alcohol but I don't have
anything to prove my feeling. Have you ever had any experience with
your kids using drugs or alcohol? 
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