Pubdate: Mon, 25 Apr 2005 Source: Pacific Daily News (US GU) Copyright: 2005 Pacific Daily News Contact: http://www.guampdn.com/customerservice/contactus.html Website: http://www.guampdn.com/ Details: http://www.mapinc.org/media/1122 Bookmark: http://www.mapinc.org/youth.htm (Youth) Bookmark: http://www.mapinc.org/find?135 (Drug Education) WE NEED TO TALK... When it comes to teen substance abuse, experts say parents are the first line of defense. But, if you were to ask any parent, talking to kids about drugs is not always an easy thing to do. The Pacific Daily News, its community partners and co-sponsor Mobil Oil Guam have launched the eight-month "Cool ... Just as I Am" project, a community-wide awareness effort against substance abuse among youths. In its efforts to help parents open the lines of communication with their kids, the focus of this week's article is to provide parents with some examples of how to go about starting that important conversation after they have confirmed that their child is using drugs. The National Youth Anti-Drug Media Campaign Web site, www.theantidrug.com, offers some suggested conversations for parents to go through before they have the talk with their child. The following conversations can be practiced between spouses. Parent: I love you and I'm concerned about you. Teen: Huh? P: It's hard for me to start this conversation, because I never imagined I'd have to and also because you might be upset with me. T: So don't. P: Believe me, I'd rather not! But I have a genuine worry about you and your drug/alcohol use. T: What? P: I'm pretty sure (or very sure) you are smoking pot (or using a drug/or drinking). I'm going to ask you to come clean with me and tell me what's going on. T: Nothing. P: Well, my job just got harder. I was hoping that you would eye to eye with me, but I see I have to get "parental." T: Why? You don't have to if you don't want. I sure don't want you to. P: I have to because it is my job to make sure you are safe. Your substance use puts you at risk. T: For what? P: For being in dangerous situations like driving a car while impaired, for having a lifetime substance abuse problem, not to mention that it is illegal. T: So what? P: You may remember that we have a "no drugs or underage alcohol" policy in this family. T: (silence) P: You have broken our policy, and so there are consequences. T: Like what? P: We are rolling back your social life until we can be sure you are no longer using. T: That is so stupid. You can't. P: We can and we will. That's our responsibility: To make sure you are healthy and strong. We don't believe you can be your best if you do drugs/drink alcohol, so we are going to help you to stay away from them until we are sure you can help yourself. Parent: We are so disappointed in you; we hardly know what to say. Teen: What are you talking about? P: You have been using drugs/drinking. T: No, I haven't. P: We know you have. And there have been a number of times in the past couple of weeks, when we've noticed something is terribly wrong. Now we know what it is. T: What are you talking about? P: We don't know how long this has been going on, but it must stop now, because we feel we are losing you. You have had a total personality change -- you don't seem to care about anything anymore . school, your job, our family, even keeping yourself clean! We know you are supposed to be growing and changing. But there is a difference between healthy and unhealthy change. The changes we see are very unhealthy and we're going to help you get them under control so they don't destroy your life and your future. T: I don't care about my future. P: That is clear to us, and one of the reasons we are so disappointed. Remember when you did ... (use a positive example of behavior from the past)? T: That was when I was a baby. P: But you had something: a purpose ... (or a talent, a special ability, a quality) which has gotten clouded over by your substance use. And you certainly won't be able to develop your potential in such a clouded state. We still believe in you. So we're going to help you bring that gift you still have back into focus. The first step will be to give up using the substance(s). Our rules and consequences are going to be very firm, because you have broken them. But in the long run, the rules are going to help you get back to being yourself. And you are going to be so proud of yourself. You will be proud of two things: for bringing back your special abilities and for beating the drug/alcohol dependency. - ---