Pubdate: Mon, 26 Dec 2005
Source: Register-Herald, The (Beckley, WV)
Section: The Back Porch
Copyright: 2005 Nerissa Young
Contact:  http://www.register-herald.com/
Details: http://www.mapinc.org/media/1441
Author: Nerissa Young
Bookmark: http://www.mapinc.org/coke.htm (Cocaine)
Bookmark: http://www.mapinc.org/heroin.htm (Heroin)
Bookmark: http://www.mapinc.org/women.htm (Women)

IN AMERICA, LINGERIE OFFERS CORNU-CUP-IA OF POSSIBILITIES

It's about time. Since the beginning of time, well-endowed women have 
cashed in on their endowments.  The benefits ranged from catching a man's 
eye for marriage to catching tips for exposing those endowments in brothels 
or on stage.

The Bible doesn't comment on Eve's figure, but I think  when the Lord made 
the first woman, he probably gave  her pretty full fig leaves. Otherwise, 
those guys  painting naked women eating fruit during the Renaissance would 
have rendered those gals more like Twiggy than Pamela Anderson.

For centuries, we "little" women have been made to feel  less than worthy. 
But no more. A cups and B cups of the  world unite! Our time has come!

The Martinsburg Journal reported last week that state  police arrested a 
woman for stashing heroin and cocaine  in her brassiere.

Alysia Dawn Ludwig, 30, of Sportsman's Paradise in  Berkeley County, was 
arrested on suspicion of packing  66 heroin capsules and 5.2 grams of crack 
cocaine in  her undergarment, according to Edward Marshall's story.

Police told Marshall they received a tip from a  confidential informant the 
drugs were en route from Baltimore to Falling Waters, a community north 
of  Martinsburg along Interstate 81. The informant also  said Ludwig was 
known to carry illegal narcotics in her bra.

The police reportedly stopped the vehicle in which she was a passenger and 
asked her to remove any illegal  drugs carried in her bra. Police reported 
that she complied.

That gives a whole new meaning to the term "drug bust."  Police estimated 
the street value of the heroin at  $2,600 and the crack cocaine at $550.

That's better than three grand for an afternoon use of a bra. See, the 
possibilities are endless.

For every $1 that men earn on the job, women earn about  75 cents. All this 
time we have been ignoring the great  financial equalizer in the name of 
equal rights. Moral high ground is one thing; putting food on the table is 
another.

Who knew the courier business could be that solution?  There's no need to 
carry bulky parcels around; just pop  that package into your bra and go. 
It's lightweight,  portable and convenient. Generally, the bra is 
safe  from searches, which means the package should arrive in perfect 
condition. Anyone who tried to violate that  sacred storage space could be 
slapped with a sexual  harassment lawsuit.

I can't believe someone else didn't think of it sooner.

Now, some of you may be worrying about violating the  law to supplement 
your incomes. That's a legitimate  concern. Nothing ventured, nothing 
gained. However,  it's hard to raise your children from behind bars if you 
get caught.

But a legal solution exists. Women could simply  contract bra space to 
storage companies or to Federal  Express and other courier services.

Better yet, some women with an entrepreneurial spirit  could form their own 
courier service BDS Bra Delivery Service. Their motto could be "Ship with 
us because the  cup is always half full."

Is America a great country or what? 
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MAP posted-by: Jo-D