Pubdate: Sun, 20 Nov 2005 Source: Seattle Times (WA) Copyright: 2005 The Seattle Times Company Contact: http://www.seattletimes.com/ Details: http://www.mapinc.org/media/409 Author: Nancy Bartley, Seattle Times staff reporter SHE SAVED HER SON -- AND THEN HERSELF Things started going badly in MerriLynn Leslie's life when she was still in the womb, sharing heroin with her mother. Back in 1967, when MerriLynn was born at a Burien hospital, neither the medical staff nor her adoptive parents knew anything about drug-affected infants. No one understood that she was born predisposed to alcohol and drug addiction, that her hyperactivity and inability to sleep through the night might be the result of prenatal exposure to drugs. Two years ago, MerriLynn, now 38, gave birth to a son at Swedish Medical Center. The staff was familiar with the needs of newborn drug addicts. Unlike his mother, Sam's symptoms were obvious. He trembled and cried, his wails filling the corridors. Overcome with shame, MerriLynn, who had been unsuccessful in treatment numerous times before, was determined this time to succeed. Sam, she vowed, would not be raised by an undependable, drug-addicted mother. So MerriLynn started on methadone and for Sam's needs turned to Childhaven. Childhaven's Drug-Affected Infant Program gave the baby safe day care where his development was monitored, he played with other children and he learned the importance of brushing his teeth, eating the right foods and wearing a seat belt -- small things, but major parts of healthy lifestyles that often aren't taught in homes led by parents whose lives are in chaos. "I could talk to anybody, any time there," MerriLynn said. Childhaven The nonprofit agency is dedicated to the needs of abused and neglected children from birth to age 5. One of its programs, the Crisis Nursery, offers a 24-hour hotline and up to 72 hours of emergency child care for parents needing respite. Childhaven averages 1,500 referral and counseling calls each year to its hotline. To contact Childhaven's Crisis Nursery, call 206-328-KIDS. For more information, go to www.childhaven.org. Childhaven is one of a dozen organizations that receive aid from The Seattle Times Fund for the Needy, which launches its annual campaign this week. At Childhaven, MerriLynn took parenting classes and learned not to repeat the mistakes she made with her two older children, now 14 and 21. Five days a week for almost two years, the white Childhaven van picked up Sam at his mother's White Center home and took him to the Capitol Hill center, where day care wasn't just day care; it was an exercise in self-esteem building. From each child's photo on the back of his chair, to the mirrors placed low enough so children can see themselves when they brush their teeth, things that may be ordinary for other children are special to those at Childhaven. Many of the children live in places where they may witness violence or criminal acts, or suffer neglect. Some have never even used a car seat or a toothbrush, said Childhaven spokeswoman Robin Bennett. MerriLynn was in a methadone program when she heard about Childhaven, and she asked her drug counselor to refer her. Others are referred to Childhaven by state child-welfare offices. Founded in 1909 as the Seattle Day Nursery, Childhaven is a nonprofit agency devoted to breaking the cycle of child abuse by nurturing children and training mothers and fathers in new ways of parenting. Chief among its services is the Crisis Nursery, which parents can call for emergency help, and the Therapeutic Child Care Program, where children are given specialized day care designed to provide some of the nurturing that may be lacking at home. The Therapeutic Child Care staff provides individualized care and treatment plans for every family and provides health, dental, vision and hearing screening for children. All that contact with the children makes it easier to identify abuse before it gets worse. Childhaven adviser Dr. Bruce Perry, an internationally renowned expert on the importance of early intervention, says that a child's brain is altered not just by physical violence but by living in a state of fear or neglect. Unless there is intervention, the results are adults with high rates of divorce, illness, depression and shortened life expectancy. Most child-abuse and neglect cases are never reported, said Todd George, program director at Childhaven. And in many of the cases that are, little is done for those who aren't facing "imminent harm," the legal standard for when the state can intervene on behalf of a child. Drugs Came First When MerriLynn was an infant, and her adoption was not yet final, her would-be adopted mother left. Peter Leslie, a Boeing engineer, fought to adopt her anyway, becoming one of the first single men in the state allowed to adopt a baby. They lived in White Center, where MerriLynn was surrounded by doting grandparents and uncles. But MerriLynn wanted a mother. When Peter Leslie remarried, he thought he had provided one for her. But her stepmother was a mother in name only, and MerriLynn said she became lost among five stepchildren. No longer was she allowed to visit her grandparents unless all the children came, too -- and there were too many for that. By the time MerriLynn was 7, she was an angry little girl, feeling abandoned by her grandparents and her father, who sought refuge from his disintegrating marriage by traveling, sometimes for months at a time. MerriLynn felt unloved and unwanted. She began sneaking sips of wine from the refrigerator, liking the way it made her feel, and was quickly addicted. At 13, she was using drugs, and she dropped out of school after eighth grade. By 15 she was "a garbage can" of drugs, taking anything, living in various homes. Her father, who eventually divorced, despaired and didn't know what to do. MerriLynn was off drugs long enough to have her first child at 17, went back on drugs, and about seven years later was off drugs again long enough to have another child. She was convicted of robbery and burglary -- both crimes committed to support her heroin habit -- and served time. MerriLynn had thought she could control the drugs. Instead they took command of her life, quickly replacing common sense and her children's needs. Nothing became more important than the next fix. She is still haunted by the time her oldest child pushed open the bathroom door one morning and found her shooting heroin. She continued as her daughter looked at her with disgust, emphasizing that she was late for school. A Family At Last MerriLynn had a twice-a-day heroin habit when Sam was born in the fall of 2003. He was a beautiful child with lush, dark hair and a raging desire for heroin, just like she had. She knew she didn't want to make the mistakes she did with her two daughters, exposing them to the environment that came with illegal drugs -- dangerous people and neglect. Peter Leslie gets tears in his eyes thinking about Sam's drug withdrawal. First Sam was given morphine, and then slowly was weaned off it. And every day, MerriLynn would be in the nursery holding her son, comforting him, feeling lost and guilty. Shirley Thompson, a former SeaTac mayor who last April married Peter Leslie, was in the nursery at Swedish, too. She knew MerriLynn felt abandoned by the three previous mother figures in her life, leaving a hollowness never filled. The slender, blond mother of two grown boys stepped in, took MerriLynn's hand and offered magic words: "I'll never leave you." The Leslies, who live in Kent, became doting grandparents. When MerriLynn was ill with withdrawal symptoms, Shirley took Sam, reassuring MerriLynn, "that's what moms do." Now, MerriLynn works in sales for a catering company and the Leslies baby-sit Sam, a hearty, 60-pound 2-year-old, who gives high-fives, loves his tiny bike and, of course, his grandpa. "I never thought 'Barney' would be my favorite TV program. But after 'Barney,' it's bath time and HE goes to bed!" Leslie said with a grin, as Sam stood watching Po the Teletubby on the screen. The Leslies also have become Childhaven volunteers. Today, MerriLynn's life is a balancing act between her job and being mom to not only Sam but her two older daughters. And she's returned to one of the better memories of her life -- her grandparents' home in White Center. MerriLynn lives with her boyfriend, whose children visit often. Leslie is gratified to see his daughter's progress. From his porch filled with golden chrysanthemums, he watched recently as MerriLynn walked alongside Sam. The boy slowly pedaled his bike, balancing between the training wheels. With a gentle hand, MerriLynn guided him. - --- MAP posted-by: Beth Wehrman