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HOOKED ON METH: ADDICT CALLS IT QUITS

In a world where no one wants to struggle or feel uncomfortable, where instant gratification and a good time are top priorities, a world in which our kids are used to getting what they want when they want it, a world in which our youth are stressed out over looks and popularity and trying to portray an image of maturity long before their developing bodies and brains are ready for it, the perfect stage is set for drug use.

Enter John*.

Only 12 when he first experimented with alcohol, because it was easy to get and because all his friends drank, John found it only whetted his appetite for mind-altering substances.

It wasn't long before he progressed to No-Doze, marijuana, crack cocaine ...  anything he could find.

At the age of 14, John and a few of his buddies found some meth at a party and decided to try it.

"I knew it was speed ( an upper ), and heard it was pretty wild, but wanted to try it anyway," he says.

People start taking meth for the same reason that people who've been drinking drive a car, explains Kari Daron, prevention specialist at Southern Hills Alcohol and Drug.  "Denial, ignorance of the facts and the belief that they can handle it.  Most people who take meth for the first time have heard about the intense euphoria the high creates and they want to experience that.  They don't know what's in it, what it can do to the brain and body, and even if they did, some people would still try it," she says, "because they totally believe they can handle it and won't get addicted.  Wrong!"

Studies have shown that 95 percent of first-time users become addicted to meth.  John was no exception.

"I was hooked after the first use," John says.  "I liked meth.  It made me feel that I could do anything.

John, like many former addicts, is reluctant to talk about the high he experienced on meth.  He knows that just talking about it could produce an intense craving that would draw him back into use.

Nikkole Abbas, with MAPP-SD, recalls that in a small high school near Sioux Falls, a law enforcement officer, concerned about the problem of meth and wanting to teach kids about the dangers, spoke at an assembly.  He showed the young people the dangers of meth, how the drug can affect them, etc., using a PowerPoint presentation with pictures from his case files.  One of the pictures he showed was from a home in Sioux Falls where a meth bust had been made.

A young women in the auditorium was a meth user in recovery, Abbas said.  When she saw the picture of this home, where she had formerly used meth, she experienced very intense cravings, ran out of the auditorium, ran away from home and relapsed back into use.

Other things that can trigger cravings, and thereby relapses, include walking or driving by a park or other location where meth was used, seeing someone they had used meth with in the past, smelling or seeing meth or pictures of meth, talking about their use ( such as when a former user in early recovery tries to present a "prevention program" to high school students, or when a treatment counselor asks questions about how they used to feel when they used meth ), even rituals like going to the ATM machine, if that used to be part of their ritual of getting meth.

Some former users have "drifted off" or gone into "automatic pilot mode" while driving in front of their former dealer's house, not knowing how they got there.

One former meth user, who used in the '60s and '70s and is now a treatment counselor in Rapid City, gets a TB test every year and strangely will experience the taste of meth in his mouth when the needle penetrates his skin.

"When a user experiences cravings, these are not the kind of cravings we all get when we want something salty or sweet or chocolate," Abbas explains.  "This is a craving like a person who has gone two or three days without water will have for water.  The person becomes physically addicted, which means that their body physically needs it to function normally."

On meth, John realized he had the energy to work a lot of extra hours at his job and earn more money.  The more money he had, the more meth he could buy.  "At first, it was great!" he recalls.

The combination of the high and the energy boost he got from meth drove him to use more and more, never considering the consequences.

"While I was using the first couple of years, I didn't think I had any consequences," he says.  "I wasn't thinking of the consequences.  All I wanted was to get and stay high.  I felt like I could do anything as long as I was using."

For four or five years, John used meth whenever he could get it.  "I craved it and the cravings were really strong," he says.  "I found out that you can never have enough money when you're hooked on meth.  The more you have, the more meth you buy." At 5'10", John lost a lot of weight, dropping to 115 pounds, as he lost interest even in food and the basic necessities of life.  But that wasn't the only consequence of using meth.

"The last two years were pretty hard," he remembers.  "I sold a lot of stuff to get money to buy meth.  It was all I wanted.  I didn't care about anything but getting high."

While different people react differently to stimulants because of their body chemistry and their body's built-up tolerance to meth, common symptoms include acute paranoia, where they believe everyone is out to get them, even their own family and friends, says Daron.  They often accuse even those closest to them of doing things against them when the accusations are totally unfounded.  They become hostile and violent if they feel they are being threatened in any way.

Loud noises or bright lights set them off.  Meth users often hallucinate, during which times they can see people ( even those they love ) as demons or traitors, and sometimes they don't recognize their own family members.

Meth users have a tendency to buy and hoard guns because they believe people are out to get them and they want to be ready to defend themselves and their meth.

People who use a lot of meth are capable of almost anything, notes Daron.  "They can turn on someone in a heartbeat.  Fights, stabbings and battery are common when a meth user is tweaking ( using a lot in a short period of time ).  They often take on the characteristics of a paranoid schizophrenic.  A meth user can turn into an abuser or a fighter or a raging killer.  Because it destroys brain cells, it's often hard to determine how a person will react to any stimuli.  Even well after the person no longer uses, they can have hallucinations and turn violent."

John's life followed that script.

"I was always paranoid that the law was out to get me and I became really mean."

While John was never arrested for drug use or possession of drugs, his behavior while on drugs eventually sent him to prison.  John lost his possessions when he sold most of them to get money to buy meth.  He lost his job when he was arrested.  He lost his house when he went to prison and couldn't make payments any more.

"I have two children I've never met and will probably never have a relationship with because of meth," he says.  "The last year I used meth, I lost everything! My job, my house, my possessions, my pride."

When a person uses meth ( or any drug/alcohol ) for awhile, and they know they're addicted to it, they have moments of clarity and they see what they've become, Daron says.  "Selling their own things to get the drug ( things they worked hard to get ), not caring about their family, friends, job, etc.  They see what they were and what they could have become versus what they are on drugs and what they'll stoop to in order to get the drugs.  They also feel defeated because drug use is ruining their lives and they feel they've lost all their power over it.  It's a real pride killer to realize that you are no longer in control of your life," she says.  "All I'd worked so hard to get I forfeited for meth," John says.  "Still, I liked it so much that I know that if I ever allow myself to use it again, I won't stop and I'll die."

John took other drugs ( including alcohol ) with meth and overdosed.  The curtain nearly came down on his life at that time.  "I would have died if my buddies hadn't iced me up and kept slapping me to keep me awake," he recalls.

When too much of a substance such as meth is ingested into the body all at one time or in a short period of time, the brain, respiratory system, circulatory system and a number of organs go into overdrive.  The liver, which filters out the toxins in our body, can't deal with a lot of alcohol or drugs, so sometimes these chemicals are dumped into the pancreas, which causes it to malfunction as well, explains Daron.

With stimulants such as meth, the brain starts firing off electrical impulses like crazy and the chemical message transmitter, dopamine, floods out of the cells to send pleasure messages throughout the body ( the high ).  Brain activity increases, sending messages all over the body to work harder, stay awake, keep busy, etc.  The heart works harder, all the systems of the body work harder, blood pressure rises and so does temperature.  A person can have a heart attack, stroke or pass out from any number of things, including high body temperature, such as John's overdose.  It's not uncommon to have uncontrollable convulsions as well.  The whole body is racing out of control.

Despite this close call with death, the siren call of meth was so strong, John couldn't turn away from it.  After he overdosed the second time, John knew if he didn't stop using meth, it would kill him.  Still, the lure was so great that he got clean only when he was sent to prison.

As hard as it was to get off meth, it has been no harder than the daily struggle he has with the cravings.

"I crave it all the time," he says, 11 years after his last use, "but I have a family now and recovery has brought me back to a good job and a much better life."

John is one of only six percent of meth users who will ever stay away from the drug's pull.  But the victory is tenuous.  "I want to use it right now," he says.  "But I know if I do I won't be able to stop and it'll kill me.

"The pull is hard to put into words.  There's nothing to compare to it.  It's like losing your best friend in a way; you don't want to give it up, but you have to.  You don't have any choice."

Now that John has stopped drinking, he finds it even harder to stay away from meth.

"I used drinking to take the place of the meth when I had bad cravings," he says.  "Now I don't have that to fall back on.  I just work really hard and try to concentrate on that and my family instead of using."

He attends a program called "after care." Although the program is a follow-up to the treatment they receive in prison, some, like John, attend long after they've been ordered to by the courts because they know it helps them stay clean and sober.

John has one bit of advice for anyone contemplating using meth: "Don't do it! Don't ever start!"

If anyone who is addicted to meth is thinking of quitting, he says, "Go for it! It's not easy; it's one of the hardest things you'll ever do, but you feel so good about yourself when you overcome and quit using.  What I have now is so much more than I ever had when I was using, and the cool part is that I'm still around to enjoy it."

* The name has been changed at his request to protect his privacy.