Pubdate: Tue, 08 Nov 2005 Source: Tribune Review (Pittsburgh, PA) Copyright: 2005 Tribune-Review Publishing Co. Contact: http://www.pittsburghlive.com/x/tribune-review/trib/ Details: http://www.mapinc.org/media/460 Author: Anne Michaud PARENTAL DENIAL PREVENTS KIDS FROM GETTING HELP FOR DRUG USE Sometimes, as parents, it's hard for us to be honest with ourselves about our children's behavior. In this sense, Sally Child is a rare parent. Several years ago, a mom telephoned a dozen of her kid's friends to say that when they were hanging out at the house one afternoon, about half of them had sneaked outside the garage door to smoke pot. It wasn't clear which kids had participated, but the mom called all of the parents, and they decided to meet and talk about it. Thirteen sets of parents showed up for the meeting, and Sally was among them. Her son was 16 at the time, and she didn't want to believe he had a problem with drugs. But she decided to explore the subject further and talked with Gateway Rehabilitation Center about warning signs. A counselor who evaluated her son said he didn't need treatment. Two weeks later, she found a bag of seeds and money in his drawer. "I never caught him red-handed," she says. But rather than let him off with an excuse about holding the drugs for a friend, or some other fiction, she got serious and had him sign a contract. The two of them wrote it together, spelling out the consequences of each type of disobedience. Too many parents ignore such signs of drug use, or they tell themselves it's a phase that will pass. Caught up in our wishful thinking, we fail to offer a hand to kids who need to pull themselves out of trouble. Sally, a primary adolescent therapist for Gateway, based in Aliquippa, says parental denial is a major barrier to getting help for kids and guiding them back onto the right path. "It's probably the biggest issue preventing parents from realizing their kids have a problem," she says. There are some good and not-so-good reasons parents are blind to children's drug use, says Jamie Brown, clinical manager of adolescent programs for Gateway. Substance abuse can mimic what we expect of teens: moodiness, irritability, explosiveness, changing friends, pushing limits. Also, there's a tendency to accept some experimentation. "Parents tell themselves it's OK for their kids to drink alcohol as long as they're staying away from the other stuff," Jamie says. "It looks pretty tame compared to heroin." Adults who use drugs often don't want to believe their child has a problem, because they might have to look at their behavior. Single-parent and two-working-parent homes, which are common, mean parents and their children spend less time together. But Jamie and Sally believe that when a person crosses that line into addiction, no matter what substance leads him or her to that point, the chemical alteration to the brain is irreversible. The brain chemistry of people younger than 25 is quicker to change, because their brains are not fully developed. Today's heroin, narcotics and other drugs are more potent and have a faster effect on the brain's chemistry. So, there are good reasons for not looking the other way. Jamie says a rule of thumb is, "If you think there's a problem, there probably is." For a list of warning signs, visit (http://www.gatewayrehab.org/ys.htm)www.gatewayrehab.org/ys.htm. Anne Michaud writes on family and parenting issues every Tuesday. If you'd like to participate in the Familyville Parenthood Panel or have a comment or suggestion, send it to --- MAP posted-by: Beth Wehrman