Pubdate: Thu, 29 Sep 2005 Source: Carolina Peacemaker (NC) Copyright: 2005 Carolina Peacemaker Contact: http://www.carolinapeacemaker.com Details: http://www.mapinc.org/media/3947 Note: Weekly Author: Dater Blackwell Bookmark: http://www.mapinc.org/coke.htm (Cocaine) Bookmark: http://www.mapinc.org/women.htm (Women) Bookmark: http://www.mapinc.org/youth.htm (Youth) HUSBAND'S ADDICTION CHRONICLED BY AUTHOR When Cynthia Hunter's son was home from college one weekend, he caught his mother lost in thought. He asked if she was thinking about the time when her ex-husband knocked her down a long flight of stairs for a hit of crack cocaine? "He said as you were falling you'll never believe that there was an angel there and I saw the angel spread her wings and capture you," said Hunter, whose son helped her up after the fall. The mother-son acknowledgement of that terrible time opened a door that has led to the publication of Hunter's book, "Diary of a Crack Addict's Wife." Hunter spoke at the opening session of the third annual Guilford County Substance Abuse Coalition Symposium held last week. The GCSAC brought together substance abuse providers, governmental agencies, local citizens and community organizations to discuss techniques and strategies to help eradicate the problem that has plagued Guilford County. Some of the sessions on the first day of the two-day event included: Life After Drugs, Understanding Addiction, HIV and Other Communicable Diseases, Succeeding Against All Odds, Treating Adolescents: A focus on substance abuse and addiction with Chris Townsend, George Coates, the executive director of GCSAC said one in 10 people in the county are affected in some way by substance abuse. He added that even though they are not directly involved they probably knew someone or had associated with someone who has a problem. Coates also said everyone needs information to help one another deal with it. He invited Hunter to speak. "I met Cynthia a couple years ago when she spoke at my church and the Coalition thought this would be a good opportunity to share some of her story with the community and for other people to know you can live through the situation and come out on the other side. To see someone who has dealt with it and done that is very important," said Coates. Hunter recalled the horrific life she and her child lived at the hands of an abusive husband who became a crack addict. She said the inspiration to write the book came five years ago when her oldest son came home from college and broke the silence about what they had gone through. Hunter said her son told her that God had spared her life for a reason. She could speak out against abusive relationships so that other women and children would be saved from the things they had to endure. At the time, Hunter said she never even thought about writing the book because her family never knew the true story. "Like so many women you get caught up and don't tell them the bad, you tell them the good. By the time the bad is bad, it's bad. Tragedy has struck," said Hunter. Hunter said she debated with herself about writing her memoirs, but found the courage when her son told her there were no other books out on the subject. She also discovered that her book would be the first from a victim's perspective. It took her nearly two years to write and self publish the book. Hunter added that she stepped out on faith, quit her job and became obsessed with selling "Diary." She said she owed it to her children, especially her oldest son Terrence, now 27, for the things that he saw and endured. Not only did Terrence witness his pregnant mother being thrown down a flight of stairs, he dealt with situations that a seven-year-old should not have. She would send him to school with hundreds of dollars to avoid keeping the money with her or in the house because her husband would take it. She recalled one horrific night when she and her son ran for their lives jumping off porches and over fences while she was six months pregnant with her second child. "I didn't recognize any signs, until one day I came home from work and he was at the kitchen table getting high," said Hunter. Hunter said her ex-husband swept her off her feet before she realized that he was a functional drug addict. He worked on Wall Street, treated her like a queen and was the most gregarious man she'd ever known. When she found him doing crack, she was two months pregnant. Like so many women in denial, she thought he was going through a phase, she said. "After that day, I was thinking oh it's just recreational. Not my man, he's too strong for that. Crack? Oh he will get over it," she said. Hunter said another week went by and he began to progress. He took money from the accounts and when that ran out, he sold their furniture, VCR's and televisions. Then the verbal and physical abuse began. Her breaking point was one day when he made a remark and Hunter said it back to him verbatim. She said that one remark almost cost her, her life. She added that she used to laugh when people said they would literally see colors and stars from being slapped. "He slapped me so hard I saw neon stars. I saw more colors than skittles have in their rainbow. And I just snapped," said Hunter who quickly retaliated without thinking. The next day Hunter found herself before a judge who told her if he died she would face life in prison. New Jersey didn't have self-defense laws. When he saw that she had never been arrested, served three years in the military, and was a law abiding citizen, the judge set bail at $28,000. Her ex had a criminal history of restraining orders. After she was released, Hunter said she never looked back, though she had tried unsuccessfully to get her husband help. "I hope people can read my book so they won't get to that point. That could have ruined my life and career," said Hunter. Hunter has traveled throughout the country speaking about her book. It was an Essence magazine best seller and has received award from the Senate, Congress, and the General Assembly. Hunter said if she could just save one life she has done her part. She said she receives letters and at least three to four emails daily from women who have gone through the same experience. Hunter even received a call from an R&B singer who offered support because she had been in a relationship with an addict also. " She said 'how did you know my story, I can't put the book down or stop reading, This was my story, Cindy. I went through so much and this is my story,'" said Hunter. Hunter said because of the positive response she's received from the book, she's starting a support group for women who are abused at the hands of crack cocaine addicts. She said people asked her why crack and she said because it is so taboo to tell people that a family member is going through it. Plus, crack, she said is a whole different monster. An alcoholic can only drink so much before they pass out. A crack addict will deteriorate before your eyes. Hunter said too many women are quick to move men in before they actually get to know them. She said they should immediately do a background check. She added that a red flag should go up if men are snappy, moody and secretive about common things like their age, birthday and middle name. Hunter said when she began dating again she did a background check on a man before the relationship became serious. The man had a rap sheet from the ceiling to the floor for assault charges. She added that her rule of thumb is to watch how he treats his mother. The response to Hunter's book has been so great she has written it into a play with a movie soon to follow. The play will be in Greensboro April 2006. Hunter says crack is destroying the black family. She said the saddest thing in the world is to see a young child caught up in drugs or a drug charge because they are selling crack to feed their family. Most times their parents are strung out on drugs. Hunter also suggested a mandatory educational system instead of prison. Christopher Townsend led the symposium on Treating Adolescents. He works with children ages 12 to 17. He added that some kids think there is nothing wrong with their actions until they face consequences. He said that an adolescent's emotional and intellectual growth is stunted when they use drugs and alcohol. Drugs or alcohol may interfere with their personal relationships, identity formation, education, and employment and family responsibilities. Townsend said that it is really important to let children know that they are loved and cared for. "It is an engagement piece. When I see children jacked up or harassed at 10 o'clock at night by the police, I can either say I'm off the clock or take it as an opportunity to say I care. And I have done that and it turned out that the young man was being harassed. He thanked me for stopping to help," said Townsend. Angela Thigpen, prevention manager with Alcohol and Drug Services, attended Townsend's session. She said that in the field of prevention her goal is to hopefully delay the point of children using substances. "Well I have worked with the boys in prevention. The treatment of adolescents is an important subject that is often times overlooked. I think that in treatment we have such an adult focus but it's important that we don't forget young people because the majority of adult substance abusers started when they were teenagers," said Thigpen. - --- MAP posted-by: Elizabeth Wehrman