Pubdate: Thu, 29 Sep 2005
Source: Carolina Peacemaker (NC)
Copyright: 2005 Carolina Peacemaker
Contact:  http://www.carolinapeacemaker.com
Details: http://www.mapinc.org/media/3947
Note: Weekly
Author: Dater Blackwell
Bookmark: http://www.mapinc.org/coke.htm (Cocaine)
Bookmark: http://www.mapinc.org/women.htm (Women)
Bookmark: http://www.mapinc.org/youth.htm (Youth)

HUSBAND'S ADDICTION CHRONICLED BY AUTHOR

When Cynthia Hunter's son was home from college one weekend, he 
caught his mother lost in thought. He asked if she was thinking about 
the time when her ex-husband knocked her down a long flight of stairs 
for a hit of crack cocaine?

"He said as you were falling you'll never believe that there was an 
angel there and I saw the angel spread her wings and capture you," 
said Hunter, whose son helped her up after the fall.

The mother-son acknowledgement of that terrible time opened a door 
that has led to the publication of Hunter's book, "Diary of a Crack 
Addict's Wife." Hunter spoke at the opening session of the third 
annual Guilford County Substance Abuse Coalition Symposium held last week.

The GCSAC brought together substance abuse providers, governmental 
agencies, local citizens and community organizations to discuss 
techniques and strategies to help eradicate the problem that has 
plagued Guilford County.

Some of the sessions on the first day of the two-day event included: 
Life After Drugs, Understanding Addiction, HIV and Other Communicable 
Diseases, Succeeding Against All Odds, Treating Adolescents: A focus 
on substance abuse and addiction with Chris Townsend,

George Coates, the executive director of GCSAC said one in 10 people 
in the county are affected in some way by substance abuse. He added 
that even though they are not directly involved they probably knew 
someone or had associated with someone who has a problem. Coates also 
said everyone needs information to help one another deal with it. He 
invited Hunter to speak.

"I met Cynthia a couple years ago when she spoke at my church and the 
Coalition thought this would be a good opportunity to share some of 
her story with the community and for other people to know you can 
live through the situation and come out on the other side. To see 
someone who has dealt with it and done that is very important," said Coates.

Hunter recalled the horrific life she and her child lived at the 
hands of an abusive husband who became a crack addict. She said the 
inspiration to write the book came five years ago when her oldest son 
came home from college and broke the silence about what they had gone through.

Hunter said her son told her that God had spared her life for a 
reason. She could speak out against abusive relationships so that 
other women and children would be saved from the things they had to 
endure. At the time, Hunter said she never even thought about writing 
the book because her family never knew the true story.

"Like so many women you get caught up and don't tell them the bad, 
you tell them the good. By the time the bad is bad, it's bad. Tragedy 
has struck," said Hunter.

Hunter said she debated with herself about writing her memoirs, but 
found the courage when her son told her there were no other books out 
on the subject. She also discovered that her book would be the first 
from a victim's perspective. It took her nearly two years to write 
and self publish the book. Hunter added that she stepped out on 
faith, quit her job and became obsessed with selling "Diary." She 
said she owed it to her children, especially her oldest son Terrence, 
now 27, for the things that he saw and endured.

Not only did Terrence witness his pregnant mother being thrown down a 
flight of stairs, he dealt with situations that a seven-year-old 
should not have. She would send him to school with hundreds of 
dollars to avoid keeping the money with her or in the house because 
her husband would take it. She recalled one horrific night when she 
and her son ran for their lives jumping off porches and over fences 
while she was six months pregnant with her second child.

"I didn't recognize any signs, until one day I came home from work 
and he was at the kitchen table getting high," said Hunter.

Hunter said her ex-husband swept her off her feet before she realized 
that he was a functional drug addict. He worked on Wall Street, 
treated her like a queen and was the most gregarious man she'd ever 
known. When she found him doing crack, she was two months pregnant. 
Like so many women in denial, she thought he was going through a 
phase, she said.

"After that day, I was thinking oh it's just recreational. Not my 
man, he's too strong for that. Crack? Oh he will get over it," she said.

Hunter said another week went by and he began to progress. He took 
money from the accounts and when that ran out, he sold their 
furniture, VCR's and televisions. Then the verbal and physical abuse 
began. Her breaking point was one day when he made a remark and 
Hunter said it back to him verbatim. She said that one remark almost 
cost her, her life. She added that she used to laugh when people said 
they would literally see colors and stars from being slapped.

"He slapped me so hard I saw neon stars. I saw more colors than 
skittles have in their rainbow. And I just snapped," said Hunter who 
quickly retaliated without thinking.

The next day Hunter found herself before a judge who told her if he 
died she would face life in prison. New Jersey didn't have 
self-defense laws. When he saw that she had never been arrested, 
served three years in the military, and was a law abiding citizen, 
the judge set bail at $28,000. Her ex had a criminal history of 
restraining orders. After she was released, Hunter said she never 
looked back, though she had tried unsuccessfully to get her husband help.

"I hope people can read my book so they won't get to that point. That 
could have ruined my life and career," said Hunter.

Hunter has traveled throughout the country speaking about her book. 
It was an Essence magazine best seller and has received award from 
the Senate, Congress, and the General Assembly. Hunter said if she 
could just save one life she has done her part. She said she receives 
letters and at least three to four emails daily from women who have 
gone through the same experience. Hunter even received a call from an 
R&B singer who offered support because she had been in a relationship 
with an addict also.

" She said 'how did you know my story, I can't put the book down or 
stop reading, This was my story, Cindy. I went through so much and 
this is my story,'" said Hunter.

Hunter said because of the positive response she's received from the 
book, she's starting a support group for women who are abused at the 
hands of crack cocaine addicts. She said people asked her why crack 
and she said because it is so taboo to tell people that a family 
member is going through it. Plus, crack, she said is a whole 
different monster. An alcoholic can only drink so much before they 
pass out. A crack addict will deteriorate before your eyes.

Hunter said too many women are quick to move men in before they 
actually get to know them. She said they should immediately do a 
background check. She added that a red flag should go up if men are 
snappy, moody and secretive about common things like their age, 
birthday and middle name. Hunter said when she began dating again she 
did a background check on a man before the relationship became 
serious. The man had a rap sheet from the ceiling to the floor for 
assault charges. She added that her rule of thumb is to watch how he 
treats his mother.

The response to Hunter's book has been so great she has written it 
into a play with a movie soon to follow. The play will be in 
Greensboro April 2006. Hunter says crack is destroying the black 
family. She said the saddest thing in the world is to see a young 
child caught up in drugs or a drug charge because they are selling 
crack to feed their family. Most times their parents are strung out 
on drugs. Hunter also suggested a mandatory educational system 
instead of prison.

Christopher Townsend led the symposium on Treating Adolescents. He 
works with children ages 12 to 17. He added that some kids think 
there is nothing wrong with their actions until they face 
consequences. He said that an adolescent's emotional and intellectual 
growth is stunted when they use drugs and alcohol. Drugs or alcohol 
may interfere with their personal relationships, identity formation, 
education, and employment and family responsibilities. Townsend said 
that it is really important to let children know that they are loved 
and cared for.

"It is an engagement piece. When I see children jacked up or harassed 
at 10 o'clock at night by the police, I can either say I'm off the 
clock or take it as an opportunity to say I care. And I have done 
that and it turned out that the young man was being harassed. He 
thanked me for stopping to help," said Townsend.

Angela Thigpen, prevention manager with Alcohol and Drug Services, 
attended Townsend's session. She said that in the field of prevention 
her goal is to hopefully delay the point of children using substances.

"Well I have worked with the boys in prevention. The treatment of 
adolescents is an important subject that is often times overlooked. I 
think that in treatment we have such an adult focus but it's 
important that we don't forget young people because the majority of 
adult substance abusers started when they were teenagers," said Thigpen.
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