Pubdate: Wed, 21 Sep 2005
Source: Freeman, The (Philippines)
Copyright: 2005 The Freeman
Contact:  http://www.thefreeman.com
Details: http://www.mapinc.org/media/3437
Author: Vicente G. Aldanese
Bookmark: http://www.mapinc.org/pot.htm (Cannabis)
Bookmark: http://www.mapinc.org/meth.htm (Methamphetamine)
Bookmark: http://www.mapinc.org/rehab.htm (Treatment)
Bookmark: http://www.mapinc.org/areas/Philippines

MORE ABOUT DRUG ADDICTION: A CLEARER UNDERSTANDING OF PERSONALITY
OF THE ADDICT

After fifteen years of drug and alcohol abuse, and then another
fourteen years of active drug and alcohol addiction, I felt so lost -
confused and angry because I could not understand what was happening
to me. For the last five to seven years of my active addiction, I
would promise myself almost everyday that I would not drink or do
drugs ever again.

But the promise, no matter how sincere, never lasted. I would stay
abstinent for a day or even a week, but eventually I would go back to
drinking or doing drugs and almost immediately all hell would break
loose again.

I eventually started to hate myself and even blamed the whole world
and life itself for my problems. But that was because I never
understood what was happening to me. Here's what it was like.

Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real addicts.

For years I denied the fact that I was addicted to drugs and could not
function without them. I used every reason, excuse or explanation I
could find to tell myself that "I am not like them." No person likes
to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows.

I never wanted to accept the fact that drugs had control over me. No
way! Everyone out there who did not agree with me was the one who was
insane. I used to say, "Look at me I still have a job and two cars, I
can't be an addict - I use drugs, drugs do not use me."

My first attempt was, "I'll just use drugs only on weekends". Then it
became only at night.

Then I said, I'd only use on special occasions. Then I said, that I
would just drink beer and take marijuana.

Then I said, I'd just use two hundred pesos worth a day. Then I would
compare myself to people I believed were worse off than me. I even
tried to switch shabu and alcohol for tranquilizers. But the fact is
nothing worked.

The idea that somehow, someday, we will be able to control our drug
abuse is a great obsession of every addict.

I tried everything I could think of, and whatever anyone would
suggest, as long as it did not say, stop using drugs.

But nothing worked.

I just led myself to the usual pattern of use and then get into
problems and so on. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing.
No matter how many times I failed, I kept getting up and tried again
to control my drug use. Many of us pursue this into the gates of
insanity or death.

Like some of my friends, quite a good number of them have died from
overdose or other drug related deaths.

We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that
we were addicts/alcoholics. First step in recovery is to come to terms
with reality.

I have to admit that I had a problem with drugs.

I had to let my conscious and sub-conscious minds agree that if I did
not stop I might end up in jail, go crazy or die.

The delusion that may be we are just like anybody else, has to be
destroyed. I had to say to myself "I did not use drugs because I had
too much problems.

I had problems because I used too much drugs." It is a fact that no
real addict ever recovers control.

All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such
intervals - usually brief - were inevitably followed by still less
control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible
demoralization. Today I know and am 100% sure that if I do drugs
again, no matter how long I had stayed clean and sober, I will end up
continuing from where I last left off, and most probably even worse.

Over any considerable period, we get worse, never better.

So I had to learn to stay away from that first hit or drink, because I
know that it's all I need to go back in hell. Today, I understand why
I needed treatment. I could not do it alone.

My wise ideas got me into problems. So, I needed the help and guidance
of those that had gone through it before me and learn from them. I
needed to learn, to listen, so that I could learn.

Today I know that one is too many and a thousand is never enough when
it comes to addiction.

We are like people who have lost their legs; they never grow new ones.
Neither will there be any kind of treatment which will make addicts of
our kind like other people.

We have tried every imaginable remedy.

Once I crossed the line from drug abuse to addictive drug use, there
is no going back. I will never be the same again, as I will not be
able to take drugs and drink socially ever again.

But because of my wanting to control my drugging I will keep on trying
new ways. In some instances, there was brief recovery, followed always
by a still worse relapse. Physicians who are familiar with addiction
agree there is no such thing as making a normal drug user out of an
addict.

Today, even the World Health Organization believes and accepts
addiction as a disease, of which people may die. Addicts keep on
trying to control their drugging, but as of today, no such cure has
been found.

So today, I know I am a recovering addict and I know that my addiction
will be with me for as long as I live. But just like a diabetic who
does not take sugar and learns to live a healthy lifestyle, as long as
I do not pick up that first drink or drug, my life will be reasonably
happy, peaceful and serene.

Today I know that I have the freedom to make the choice to be an
addict in recovery, and not be an actively participating addict who is
still using and drinking and whose life is miserable.

Despite all we can say, many who are real addicts are not going to
believe that they are in that class.

By every form of self-deception and experimentation, they will try to
prove themselves exceptions to the rule, therefore non-addict. If
anyone who is showing inability to control his/her drugging can do the
right-about-face and drug like a gentleman/lady, our hats are off to
him/her. Heaven knows, many of us have tried hard enough and long
enough to drink and drug like other people. We've tried to use every
imaginable way to control our drug use but the end result has always
been back to a life of guilt, shame, paranoia, frustration and self-hatred

So what do we do about this? Some treatment centers say the TC
(Therapeutic Community) model works, then there are those who use the
12-step model who claim they are more effective, yet others claim that
a combination of the two is the best program.

There are even some treatment centers that treat their
clients/patients like criminals and practice harsh, physical and
inhuman treatment centers outside of Cebu with the hope that nobody
will ever find out that they have an addict in the family.

Well, in my own experience, the supposed secret of my drug addiction
was in reality "a secret that everybody knew about". We at Recovery
House do not have any claims to be the best. We have no claims to be
either the TC or 12-step model of rehabilitation, though we believe
that both models have their advantages. We offer the Recovery House
Treatment Program - a program that strives to help drug dependents
recover from Drug Addiction through discipline, responsibility and
understanding in a humanistic manner of treatment.

Some say we are a combination of both TC & 12-step models, but we
prefer to say that we offer the Recovery House Treatment Model. We
make use of Psychiatrists, Psychologists, Medical Doctors and
Recovering Addicts to offer a more holistic type of treatment at a
price that is more affordable than most other private centers.

For more information, please contact us at 234-0355 or 231-5229 or
e-mail us at  
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