Pubdate: Sun, 09 Jan 2005 Source: Eagle-Tribune, The (MA) Copyright: 2005 The Eagle-Tribune Contact: http://www.eagletribune.com/ Details: http://www.mapinc.org/media/129 Author: Gabrielle Bradley Bookmark: http://www.mapinc.org/oxycontin.htm (Oxycontin/Oxycodone) Bookmark: http://www.mapinc.org/pot.htm (Cannabis) Bookmark: http://www.mapinc.org/people/robert+bradley A GRIEVING MOTHER SPEAKS On Oct. 22 of last year, Officer Lori Cameron had the hideous assignment of coming to our house and notifying us that our son, our darling Robert, was dead. In Malden. Drug overdose was the suspected cause of death. Three months later the medical examiner's office reported to us that the autopsy revealed high levels of morphine in his system. Morphine? Isn't that what they give to cancer patients in the end stages of their terrible and painful disease? Morphine? Who willingly takes morphine? Why would anyone take morphine? When Mrs. Hurwitz asked us to speak tonight, I was pretty sure I couldn't do it. Couldn't stand here and face you with my sadness, my guilt, and my catastrophic sense of failure. The failure of a mother to keep her son alive. What can I possibly tell you about raising teenagers? Clearly the Bradleys are not a model to follow. But perhaps by just standing up here and being honest with you, something will be gained. I don't know. Robert's friend, Brad McLaughlin, had the courage to come to see us a few months after Robert died and asked the most straightforward question, "Mrs. Bradley, what the hell happened?" I spend my days and a few nights trying to answer that excruciating question by going over every painful decision and choice we made. What should we have done differently? What errors did we make that put Robert on a course of deceit, drugs and death? In my forensic journey through Robert's last 18 months of life, I have learned some things that I would like to share with you tonight. Agree or disagree, the choice is yours. What is the most dangerous drug out there for the teenage mind? Oxycontin? Crystal meth? Heroin? Larry Robinson (Robert's counselor) thinks it is marijuana and this is his reasoning: Adolescence is a time of great confusion and a fragile mind trying to sort out issues of separation, individuation, abstract thought, construction of identity, intense self-focus, peers, drugs, sex and alcohol. The psychiatrist Ronald Dahl tells us that "adolescents are a tinderbox of emotions actively looking for experiences to create intense feelings ... the brain regions that put the brakes on risky, impulsive behavior are still under construction." Now add to that the psychoactive drug THC (found in marijuana). Quite a mix. For some teenagers, THC allows for a false distancing from these complex feelings. For others it creates intense paranoia. It numbs the mind and impairs thinking. The B.C. bud that is coming into the U.S. from Canada contains 25 percent more added THC than the marijuana of the '60s. Its affect taken with alcohol is like taking 15 Valiums. Society doesn't perceive marijuana to be a problem drug. It's acceptable. It's a rite of passage. Where there is marijuana at a party there are often other drugs. Derek Moore from The Center for Addictive Behavior (CAB) tells me these facts of current drugs available in Marblehead: Oxycontin: $40 to $80 a tablet. Crushed to remove time-release coating, then inhaled. Heroin: $3 to $4 a bag. Pure enough to be inhaled, not necessarily injected. Ecstasy: $15 to $20 a roll (meaning a single dose). Crystal meth: $10 to $20 a hit. Smoked or snorted. These are things to know. Al Qaida would be thrilled with the destruction these drugs are inflicting on Americans. Ian Taggart shared this thought with me. "At any party where these drugs are available, there will be kids that will only smoke dope and drink booze. There will, however, be other kids that will be ready to try the hard drugs." Do you know which kid you are? Do you know which kid you have? I didn't. When Robert told me last July that he had tried all these hard drugs, I could barely breathe. But then he told me that he had decided to give them up. I believed him, "Of course, you have stopped using hard drugs. Who would continue to risk their life using drugs?" What I failed to understand is that addiction trumps free will. Should Bob and I have had Robert arrested by the Marblehead Police? Should we have hired Vic, the 220-pound child transporter, to come into Robert's room at night and take him off to a rural drug treatment program for three months? No contact. Should we have put him into an involuntary detox facility to be held against his will? What about a Section 12 three-day psych evaluation at Salem Hospital? All these things were considered. In the end we felt that Robert needed to participate in changing his life and altering his course through the clashing rocks. We never saw death coming, even though the wolf was in the house. I will leave you tonight with some observations. I used to say to Robert that raising a teenager feels like a football game: He was the offense and we were the defense. Part of his offensive play book was deceit. How could he look at us right in the eye and lie to us? Sarah Evans shared this with me: "Well, Mrs. Bradley, it is when we are looking you right in the eye that we are lying to you because we are trying to sell you on whatever it is we are lying about." When did parents become the enemy? We perceive it is our job to get you through the turmoil that is adolescence so you can go on to have a life. Tiffany Foss made a remark to me that was both naked and hard to hear: "When are you parents going to get it? You can't keep us safe!" So who will keep you safe? You believe that it is your life and it is, but your decisions affect others. Robert risked taking drugs that had the very real potential to kill him. They did kill him. When he died Oct. 21, we died, too. We died of sadness. We died because a life without him is just too ... hard. I feel that we failed Robert. I feel that his friends failed Robert. I feel that Robert failed Robert. Please make good decisions. Have a life. Remember those in whose love you live. Thank you for your time tonight. - --- MAP posted-by: Larry Seguin