Pubdate: Wed, 23 Jun 2004 Source: Sooke News Mirror (CN BC) Copyright: 2004 Sooke News Mirror Contact: http://www.sookenewsmirror.com/ Details: http://www.mapinc.org/media/2142 Author: Melanie Cunningam WE CAN NOT DENY DRUG USE ANY LONGER Having lost my 20-year-old son Matthew to a drug related death eight and a half years ago, I feel compelled to respond to the denial issue surrounding the drug and alcohol problem in Sooke (Sooke News Mirror, June 9). Staff Sgt. Jennie Latham is quite right in saying "When do we stop denying it's happening." Although I have told Matthew's story from time to time since his death, I was in denial for a long time before it. I did not want to admit that my son had a problem with drugs. How could he have a problem when there were no drugs, very little alcohol use, and no abuse in our family home? It was hard to see the difference between teenage "acting out," (which is considered normal), and unusual behavior caused by the use of drugs. I considered myself a responsible adult with good parenting skills and as all four of my children participated in school activities and community sports, to which I was also involved, I believed that getting involved in my children's lives would keep them away from drugs. Our family's "dirty little secret" was not a topic of conversation among our friends for fear we would be judged as "bad parents," for fear of being ostracized and for fear that talking about our problems openly would cause embarrassment to our children.Even though we sought counselling from various resources for our family, particularly for Matthew, over the years, still part of me believed it was just a phase he was going through, and he would grow out of it as most teens do. We teach our children right from wrong, how to make good choices and that every choice, good or bad, has a consequence. We give them wings to fly and send them out into the world fully equipped with good decision making skills and back up plans in case of emergencies. Yet, once they leave the safe boundaries of their home environment parents have very little control over what they choose to do with their time. Peer pressure can start what seems like an experimental phase into a full-blown addiction within no time at all. My son started out experimenting with alcohol and marijuana as if it was a "rite of passage," then turned to cocaine and LSD.It was during a trip on the mind-altering drug LSD that Matthew took his life. He paid the ultimate consequence for his bad choice, as did Justin, Trevor and the young lady. My youngest son is now battling a cocaine addiction and facing a jail sentence because of an alcohol-related incident.He started drinking when his brother died, presumably to numb the pain he was going through. I am not in denial anymore. My son's drug use has had devastating effects on my family; we have been in a living hell the last few years. I have seen firsthand the awful effects left behind after the cocaine binge is over. I have received threatening phone calls from drug dealers trying to collect a debt, and I have experienced abusive behaviour at my front door. The latter is ultimately why my family moved from Sooke this year after 17 years in the community. Yet, I am still as loving and supportive to my son as any mother can be in his road to recovery because while he is alive there is still hope that he will turn his life around. History seems to be repeating itself in my family and I do not know what I could have done to prevent it. Our youth will say, "There isn't anything to do in Sooke," which is somewhat true, there are not enough drug and alcohol free events for teenagers anywhere, not just in Sooke, to participate in.I know the Sooke RCMP are doing everything they can to eradicate the problem, but there is not one solid answer to resolve this crisis. The Sooke community has been in denial, there is a serious drug and alcohol problem and now is the time for everyone to get involved, to work together, to make a change. To all you drug dealers out there, you know who you are, I know who you are, shame on you for turning your addiction into a profitable business where young people are dying.You bring shame to your family, yet your mother still loves you.If you have any conscience at all, the blood on your hands will be the reason you stop what you are doing and get the help you need to become drug-free before anyone else dies.As long as you live, there is hope that you will change your life for the better. Your mother is clinging to that hope and so am I. I had hoped that Matthew had not died in vain, that his death had affected the life of someone enough to stop him or her from using drugs but today I am not so sure. Three families are now experiencing the loss of a loved one, a loss so great the pain cuts through to your very core. Regardless of the life these young people chose for themselves, they were someone, a son, a daughter, a brother, a sister, a niece, a nephew, a grandson, a granddaughter, and a friend to so many, as evidenced at their memorials. Their families had hope while they were alive to turn their lives around, now they are dead and the hope is gone.Their family's hearts are filled with sorrow. My heart goes out to them. I share their pain. Please let them grieve their loss in peace without gossip and judgment, they are suffering enough as it is. Melanie Cunningam - --- MAP posted-by: Larry Seguin