Pubdate: Sun, 21 Nov 2004 Source: Muskogee Daily Phoenix (OK) Copyright: C2004 Muskogee Daily Phoenix Contact: http://www.muskogeephoenix.com/customerservice/contactus.html Website: http://www.muskogeephoenix.com/ Details: http://www.mapinc.org/media/3319 Author: Cathy Spaulding, Phoenix Staff Writer Bookmark: http://www.mapinc.org/women.htm (Women) Bookmark: http://www.mapinc.org/rehab.htm (Treatment) FAMILY TIME AT LAST Woman Gets Trip Home - And Hope ARPALER - With the home karaoke machine playing background, Gina Alexander and her mother, Brenda Alexander, joined their voices in song: "Love can build a bridge, "Between your heart and mine, "Love can build a bridge "Don't you think it's time "Don't you think it's time." The Alexanders hope that song will prove true for themselves. After a month and a half at MONARCH treatment center, where she is recovering from methamphetamine addiction, 29-year-old Gina Alexander spent a day in the southeast Oklahoma hills around Arpaler, her hometown. Her dad, Jerry Alexander, picked her up at the treatment center early in the moring of Oct. 19 and drove her to his house for a family reunion and his special stew. The last time Gina rode in her father's car, Sept. 10 from Eddie Warrior Correctional Center to MONARCH, she spent the whole time apologizing for the pain she caused the family. This time, Gina spent the ride joking with her dad and singing along with a CD the family made to help raise money to pay of more than $1,500 in fines Gina owed in Pittsburg and Coal counties. Music always had held the family together, Gina Alexander said. "My brother, every morning he'd wake up and he'd sing opera," she said. As her father drove closer to his home, Gina grew giddier, clapping her hands with anticipation. The minute they pulled up to the house, Gina got out to hug her little brother Joseph Alexander, 25, and her sister-in law. She swooped her 2-year-old niece, Elizabeth, into her arms and swung her about, pecking her with kisses. She'd have to wait until later that morning to see her own 17-month-old daughter, Charity Shine. The child is staying with Gina's mother. Meantime, Gina spent the morning going through old photos, helping her dad cook the Sunday stew, tossing a football with Joseph and another brother, Jessie, 28. Joseph Alexander said his sister seems like a whole new person. He recalled one of the first letters Gina wrote from prison, where she was serving a term for violating probation. "It wasn't selfish or anything," he said. "She was saying we got away from God and that we needed to get back to him. I didn't even think it was her writing because it was the most unselfish thing I'd ever read." When Gina was on crank, "she was almost dead," Joseph said. "She was real angry and if you tried to give her any counsel, she'd talk over you." Upon visiting with Gina that Sunday morning, the little brother said he sees more hope. "There's a little more there than there was," he said. "I think now we're beginning to see more of her personality. When you're going into prison, you're a robot. And in prison, she was being conformed and bent into shape." Jerry Alexander said he remembered a few times before the drugs when his daughter was this cheery. "Generally, when she was on the drugs, she sure didn't come around here," he said. Gina playfully ran her finger through dust and remarked "me and mom, every day we used to have this place spic and span." Jerry and Brenda Alexander separated a few years ago. They still get along well enough for Brenda to come for family visits. Gina could not restrain herself when her mother drove up to the trailer. She pulled a glittered gift bag out of her dad's trunk. She gathered her mother and daughter into her arms and the three embraced for at least half a minute. "You look better than you have in a long time," Brenda said as Gina pecked Charity with nonstop kisses. After settling down for stew, the family gathered in the main room to sing accompanied by microphones, guitars, drum sets and karaoke machines. Later in the day, the oldest brother, Jerry Alexander Jr., joins the singing. Music holds this family together through tough times, Gina's dad and brothers agreed. Brenda and Gina Alexander sang "Love Can Build a Bridge," a song written by Cher and made famous by another mother and daughter -- country music stars the Judds. "This is just like Christmas," Brenda Alexander said. "Now I'm wondering where the presents are," Gina joked. That made Gina's brothers recall how ornery she used to be. "Gina always wanted more," the younger Jerry Alexander, 30, said recalling when they used to play like they were members of the "Dukes of Hazard" TV show. "When we were kids, my friend and I were Luke and Bo Duke, Gina was Daisy and Josh was Cooter." Gina laughed. "It's moments like these that make life worth living." A happy ending? Not anywhere close The very afternoon of her family reunion, Gina had planned to visit her three older children, who live with their father. She prepared gift baskets for each child, just as she had for Charity Shine. But when she arrived at her husband's house to drop off her presents, nobody was home, Gina said. She said she had to leave the gift bags at a neighbor's house. She fears she'll have a hard time getting custody of these children. Gina also has a month and a half to go on her treatment at MONARCH. Then comes the arduous work of preparing to go back into the real world -- possibly going home to the family, digging up painful memories and renewing rough relationships that went joyfully untouched during the Sunday visit. She has to prove that the happy times will stick, just like many women undergoing treatment, said MONARCH clinical director Gaye Wheeler. "The family members have supported them and they're getting tired," Wheeler said. "The addicts and alcoholics have disappointed them time after time after time. They eventually have to prove they could walk the walk as well as talk the talk." Gina's addiction strained her family's patience, said her aunt, Leona Plymate. "Her mom and dad have been burnt too bad since she was a teen-ager and they're leery," she said. Plymate said Gina's mother is especially leery about helping out, while her dad is beginning to show more support. Still, the family did band together to put out the CD to help offset Gina's fines, she said. Gina's father also gives her money each week for cigarettes, telephone calls and other incidental purchases, Plymate said. "He gives her a calling card so she can call home. She uses that up real fast," she said. Not all families are as supportive as the Alexanders, Wheeler said. "Some families are hurt so many times they get sick of it," she said. "Some women come from families who could care less about their recovery. They don't want the recovery because they won't have anyone to drink with." Women at MONARCH take classes to prepare themselves for facing their families. "One class deals with family of origin issues," Wheeler said. "It opens their eyes to see what part every family member plays." Other classes focus on preventing relapse and reading from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, a guide to help people recover from alcoholism and addiction. MONARCH also works to reunite women with their families. Families get to visit the women each Sunday. Women who earn enough good-behavior credits get to take 12- to 24-hour leaves to visit families. To earn credits, "you just stay out of trouble," Gina said, "It's working your homework, keeping your area clean, doing your chores." Gina said she might get a 24-hour pass to visit her family this weekend. Sometimes MONARCH helps women in their efforts to keep or regain custody of their children, Wheeler said. "It depends on the situation," Wheeler said. "If it's Department of Human Services, we try to work together to reuinite the children and mother. If the mother is doing what she is supposed to be doing in recovery, we can send progress letters (to the DHS or the courts) or we go in person to court meetings." Gina "has a long way to go to get custody of her children," she said. "She has to go through a lot of court battles." If needed, MONARCH can bring families into women's counseling sessions, Wheeler said. Gina said she knows she still has a long way to go to make sure her family reunion stays happy. "There's always going to be something I missed that I'm going to have to apologize for," she said. "As long as I'm clean and sober, I'm going to be doing a lot of apologizing." - --- MAP posted-by: Derek