Pubdate: Sun, 02 Mar 2003 Source: Ventura County Star (CA) Copyright: 2003, The E.W. Scripps Co. Contact: http://www.staronline.com/ Details: http://www.mapinc.org/media/479 Author: Patricia Kochel Bookmark: http://www.mapinc.org/youth.htm (Youth) Note: The author is a student assistance coordinator at Buena High School in Ventura. DRUG EDUCATION SHOULD BEGIN AT HOME Melissa uses crank with her mother. It's hard for her to stop using because she sees her mother putting it up her own nose every day. She tells me she doesn't want to wind up like her mom -- complaining about money, ignoring her children, irritable and angry. Jeanette's stepdad has given her pot for a couple of years now. She's a junior. She frequently smokes with him and her mom. It's something they do together. She says it's become a part of her daily routine. Like Melissa, it's hard for Jeanette to stop because every evening just the smell of her stepdad's joint destroys her resolve to quit. Parents using illegal drugs is not the main reason children use, but for the kids involved, it certainly makes it OK to use. I hear about parent use often enough that I am no longer shocked, just deeply saddened by the terrible crime these parents are perpetrating on their vulnerable children Basically, children use drugs and drink alcohol for the same reason adults do: It makes them feel better. For adults, feeling good from alcohol is legal. I asked a student the other day why she uses crank when she thinks "it's so gross." She replied: "I feel so good. I have lots of energy, too." She added, "I just hate it when I come down; I feel awful then." Students tell me they get away from their problems when they are high. They can relax. Drugs eliminate stress. What on earth stresses out a 14- to 17-year-old? Here's what some of the students in the Insight Group (for students concerned about their drug use) say stresses them. Marissa has seen her stepfather hit her mom several times. She has watched the police take him out the front door and watched him come back through the same door a few hours later. There is no father around for her to move in with. Anna lives with her mom and stepdad, who is a drug addict. Her mother is a co-addict. Anna tried living with her dad, but he's a rage-addict so it didn't work out. Eddie's dad and mom divorced last year. When Eddie is with his dad, he hears all about how awful his mother is. He's scared of his dad, so he doesn't ask him to stop talking about Mom, and he doesn't think Dad would anyway. Juan's mother and father fight all the time. Juan will stay sober for a couple of days, but when the yelling gets too loud, he goes outside to smoke a joint. Cheryl's dad is verbally abusive. The list goes on and on. Drugs eliminate all these problems, at least for a while. Some teens will try some drugs because they are simply curious. They want to know what all the fuss is about. If they have a strong and nurturing family, that's usually as far as it goes, and they will go on living out their dreams. We know from all the research that youth who feel connected to their families are less likely to engage in high-risk behavior. But if they go home to unhappy homes, they may well seek relief by using mood-altering substances and prefer that altered state to reality. Isn't it the same with adults? We go home dragging the day's stress behind us, looking forward to a drink or two to take away the sharp edges. Kids want to smooth out those sharp edges, too. How are we going to show teens how to cope with life's problems without looking at our own use? How many use liquor to become more scintillating at parties, as a dance partner at our friend's wedding? Can we enjoy football without the beer? Or simply, can we enjoy each other without the drinks? In the Children of Alcoholics group, lots of the students use drugs. The straight-edge kids (those who shun liquor and drugs) ask the users, "How can you use when you see what drugs (or alcohol) have done to your parent?" Tara's dad is a pill addict, and her mom an alcoholic. The police have been to their home several times because the neighbors get sick and tired of the yelling. Tara has come to my office several mornings because of what went on at home the night before. Her answer to those straight-edge students would be, "How can you not?" Life, for Tara, is more palatable after a drink or "smoking a bowl." But there are those like Rachel who won't touch a drop of liquor if she lives to 199. Her mom's alcoholism and dad's drug addiction have scarred her, but scared her straight, for life. I went to an addiction seminar recently. Addiction, the speaker said, is a problem of the feelings. Our nurse at Buena referred to it the other day as a "disease of the spirit." As one little girl said to me, "I was depressed and sad all the time, but when I did crystal meth, I got happy. It was fun." Many of us adults also want to feel something a little, or a lot, different, so we drink or use drugs. Just like the kids. While it can be dangerous for adults to use drugs/alcohol, it is especially damaging for teens. First, their brains are still developing, and alcohol/drugs affect that process adversely. Second, alcohol and drugs change the chemical structure of the brain, causing depression. So what they do to combat depression also drives the depression. Tough cycle to break. Third, because their bodies are immature, children can become addicted in a few months, compared with several years for an adult. Fourth, teens who use aren't learning how to cope with life's many problems in intelligent, growth-enhancing ways. They don't know how to talk sanely about their problems. They haven't developed important communication skills because they've avoided all problems by using. Finally, and most importantly, the child who uses doesn't get to know him/herself. If one is shut down emotionally, he never gets to discover who he really is. As e.e. cummings said, "It takes courage to grow up to be who you were meant to be." Many youngsters and adults don't have that kind of courage. "Dad gets mad at me, I'm scared to talk to him, so I'll just get high." "My girlfriend broke up with me and I don't want to be sad, so I'll get drunk." "I hate listening to my mother complain about my dad, but I don't know how to ask her to stop, so I'll get stoned." I was at a meeting of the Ventura County Collaborative for Youth at our school district's office a few months ago. A young woman stood up and said to all of us: "I drank when I was in high school because I had a bad home life, and I didn't like myself. It made me feel better. I knew it wasn't good for me." More education will not deter students from using drugs/alcohol. The best prevention tool is to be found in the family, not in the classroom. Home -- a place where kids must be valued, listened to and loved. I know it's more than that, and I know it's important for students to feel valued by their teachers and other school staff as well, but the home is where drug education begins. The bottom line is, kids use drugs/alcohol because they feel better. So, my question is, what is making them feel so bad? Let's address that. - --- MAP posted-by: Doc-Hawk