Pubdate: Sat, 1 Feb 2003 Source: Jamaica Gleaner, The (Jamaica) Copyright: 2003 The Gleaner Company Limited Contact: http://www.jamaica-gleaner.com/ Details: http://www.mapinc.org/media/493 Author: Desmond Henry Note: Desmond Henry is a marketing strategist based in Treasure Beach, St. Elizabeth. Bookmark: http://www.mapinc.org/pot.htm (Cannabis) RATS AND GANJA SEEDS TREASURE BEACH: Heard one of the most hilarious, belly-bursting tales on the hazards of ganja growing the other day. It was told to me by someone who is not a ganja farmer himself, but who resides within, shall we say, earshot of some of the sounds of the trade. The tale would eventually include the police of course, but until the seam reach the scene there are far more 'flippant slippants' to contend with. The first of the new slew includes rats. Yes, the rodent variety. Rats apparently adore ganja seeds, whether they're stored under beds or planted in the fields. There is deep speculation as to whether or not the seeds actually strengthen the mental capacities of the rats, because they can rarely be outsmarted. They appear to communicate with each other very well, and will dig the seeds out of the soil wherever they're planted. So how do you control them? You bring in the cats (the 4-foot variety). Cats that can meow anytime of day or night, especially in the open fields. Growers, I was told, tie the cats in the ganja gardens at night, much like housewives do with goats around the home. But the cats must first go through regular sessions of learning how to meow persistently. They have to be tied in the fields so that they do not walk away, and so that the loud meowing will help keep the rats at bay. What if they don't meow? You beat the hell out of them until they get the hang of it. In many instances it turns out to be a test of wills - the rats versus the cats. But as you can imagine, when the cats meow the rats don't show. Next on the hazards list are the parakeets. These are the giggly birds (most people think they're mostly females) that travel in packs and delight in letting you know they're around. They prefer the seeds that are on the plant, rather than those in the ground. So the seeds that escape the rats and grow, will later be attacked by the parakeets when they appear on the top of the plants. There's no letting up for the poor farmer. So he sets up some home-made scarecrows in the field, and the birds cackle themselves to a frazzle. They recognise the trick, laugh at him in a loud chorus, and dive bomb the seeding ganja. He is in a quandary. To add insult to injury, up comes the next set of cats - the 2-foot variety. The kind that Agriculture Minister Clarke speaks about so knowingly. It is just plain thievery and the ganja farmer dares not report it to the police, but has to protect himself the best he can against his own human species. What a mess! And as if all this was not enough, up comes the legitimate police. Yes, Babylon. How did they know of the activity? Well, listeners with their ears to the ganja ground, tell them of hearing cats crying at nights and of seeing effigies of dumb scare crows during the days. The farmers never win. They will tell you however, that in the end, the returns from what goes through is well worth the intervening hazards. All along during the narration I was driving, but at this stage I had to pull over to let my stomach and body motions regain normal composure. It was too much of a weed feed, all at once. - --- MAP posted-by: Terry Liittschwager