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A VIEW SKEWED

As everyone on campus knows, Washington and Lee was recently named to the esteemed ( or much lamented depending on who you listen to ) list of the Princeton Review's top party schools.

We also ranked "impressively" in other categories such as hard liquor ( #6 ), beer ( #3 ), and frats and srats ( #2 ).  Clearly though, there's been a lot of buzz around campus especially about the party school ranking, considering all the schools in front of us are major state universities, and we even pummeled a few Goliaths such as University of Texas at Austin ( #6 ) and Florida ( #10 ).  So how did we get this high? The ranking is comprised of a "combination of survey questions concerning the use of alcohol and drugs, hours of study each day, and the popularity of the Greek system" ( www.princetonreview.com ).  I've heard a lot of students on Campus joke about "getting to number one" or "taking home the national title" in the rankings next year.  I figured I'd do a little scouting report on the four schools ahead of us and a prognosis of our chances on reaching the top of the party hill.

Outranking us are four schools: Illinois, Indiana, Wisconsin, and Colorado.  Each has roughly 15-20 times the enrollment we do on average, with Indiana having the most students ( 30,752 ).  They are all Midwestern except for Colorado, and are located in predominantly college towns ( from what my research tells me ).  There's not much to do except for party, party, and party.  Here's a breakdown of our competition, from number four to number one.

University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign: The name about says it all: Champaign.  Whoever designed the academics at Illinois may have consumed too much of it and forgot to hire professors, because they rank #1 in the undesirable category of Teaching Assistants Teach Too Many Upper Level Courses.  The Illini, uninspired by their TAs, don't spend much time hitting the books, gaining them a #4 ranking in Students ( Almost ) Never Study.  With such academic prowess, and nothing to do in the bustling metropolis of Urbana-Champaign, they represent well in per capita alcohol sales garnering #12 and #13 rankings in beer and liquor.

University of Indiana-Bloomington-The Hoosiers live in the college metropolis of Bloomington,, ranked #19 in college towns.

IU is home to one of the great basketball programs in college hoops, and their students seem to take after former coach Bobby Knight in just not giving a damn about anything.  #2 in Students ( Almost ) Never Study, #4 in beer, #3 in frats and #19 in "Reefer Madness", Indiana exhibits delinquency one would expect from inner city hoodlums, not Midwestern farmboys and girls.

On the plus side, they do get a nod at #18 for having a great student newspaper, putting us to shame here at The Trident.

University of Wisconsin-Madison-The Badgers booze harder than a herd of Irish sailors on St.  Patrick's Day.  #1 in both beer and liquor, they drink all comers under the table.

Why not celebrate?

They are in the #18 college town in the US, and their school spirit is high since they are #20 in students who pack the stadiums.

I guess cheese is not the only thing Wisconsin produces, because they rank #4 in "Reefer Madness".  It makes more sense when you see that they have seven agricultural majors.

I don't think they are growing just wheat and corn...

University of Colorado-Boulder: These guys are like the New York Yankees of partying.  They've got all the advantages they need.  If they didn't party hard, it would be a failure.

The Buffaloes are situated just outside Denver and a measly 20 miles from the Coors Brewery in Golden, CO.  Big city, big brewery, big school equals big parties.

The Buffaloes ignore their studies at the top rate in the country, and get higher than Cheech and Chong at a Greatful Dead show to put them at #3 in "Reefer Madness".  Solid #4 rankings in both liquor and frats secure their dominance, and a #11 ranking in beer ices the proverbial cake.  There's nothing they don't do well...except for academics.

Since I've heard a lot of discussion of how to navigate the road through the final four, I'll offer my beautifully simple plan: Stop going to class, start doing a lot of drugs and continue drinking.

In fact, you should put down your studies right now, forget about that major C-School exam you've got, and help out the cause....not.

It's time for me to hit the soap box.  Let's be realistic here people.

We are a small school in the middle of nowhere.

We have a faculty and administration who care about academic success.

Our rankings in professors bring the material to life ( #7 ) and professors make themselves accessible ( #5 ) are remarkable.  The administration, for all those who criticize it lately, attained a #18 ranking for the school "running like butter".  We have a beautiful campus ( #8 ) and happy students ( #8 ).  Ironically, none of the other colleges in the top ten for party schools rank in the top 20 for happiness of students.

Beer doesn't always bring cheer apparently.  Lexington is a quiet, small town where there are actual residents.

We're not in a self-made haven of college kids.  W&L is altogether different from the other schools above us on this list and most of the ones below us.  Let's revel in the fact that we can be academically excellent, interact with a regular community fairly well, and still have a lot of fun.  Work hard and party hard has always been a motto around here.  We can work on lowering our high rankings in "alternative lifestyles not an alternative" and "homogenous student population", and try to continue to keep W&L the unique place that it is.