Source: Rocky Mountain Collegian, The (CO Edu)
Pubdate: Thu, 30 Jan 2003
Contact  http://www.collegian.com/
Address: Colorado State Univ., Lory Student Center Box 13, Fort Collins, CO 
80523
Fax: 970-491-5267
Copyright: 2003 Rocky Mountain Collegian
Author:  Paul Franco

LIFE LESSONS LEARNED FROM SUPER BOWL ADS

Especially About Marijuana

Excellent, spell-binding, superb, tear-jerking are all adjectives that come 
to mind when trying to describe the spectacle that was the Super Bowl. 
Forget the actual game; the game isn't what matters on Super Bowl Sunday. 
What matters is the entertainment found when there is no play on the field. 
That's right: what everyone really cares about are the commercials.

During timeouts, we were blessed with beer commercials, movie trailers and 
more beer commercials. We saw the much anticipated trailer to Terminator 3 
("She'll be back!); we saw football-playing horses standing around waiting 
for a zebra referee to review a play ("He's not a jackass, he's a zebra!"); 
we saw the trailers for the sequel to the Matrix (Kick, pow, punch, bam!) 
and The Hulk ("Don't make me angry!"); and of course the Coors Light twins 
("And....twins!")

But it was when the marketing agencies took time out to be serious that 
they most grabbed my attention. The Super Bowl may be time of levity; a 
time when people want to get drunk and forget the worries of the world 
while watching grown men deliver body-crushing blows, but that doesn't mean 
we can't take a time out from the beer-guzzling and face-stuffing to learn 
important life lessons.

Usually the deepest thought I have during the Super Bowl is "Who's going to 
get me another beer?" But one ad in particular brought me out of my general 
stupor and apathy towards the world and had me thinking. In order to do 
justice to the ad and its message I must describe it shot by shot.

It begins with a middle-aged woman staring at a pregnancy test. Okay, I 
thought, it's a commercial for pregnancy tests. This seemed kind of odd in 
the testosterone-fueled environment that is the Super Bowl, yet because I 
thought this, my attention was instantly grabbed.

Next we see a close-up of the pregnancy test applicator. We can't tell if 
it's positive or not or if the woman wants it to be positive. In walks the 
husband who watches attentively with his wife. Have these two been trying 
to have children, but they can't? Or are they worried about providing for a 
new addition to the family? Either way, it makes for intriguing television.

Words that say something to the effect of, "Having a child can greatly 
affect your life," flashes on the screen for a second. We are transported 
back to the couple eyeing the pregnancy test, it's positive. They look 
distraught, but we have yet to see why. Words begin to slowly appear on the 
screen as if they are being typed: "They are about to be the 
youngest....grandparents on the block."

The camera returns to the parents and pans over to reveal their daughter 
crying and a voiceover begins. I expected the great disembodied voice to 
tell me to use condoms. Or, if the voice was a conservative I thought I'd 
be told to wait until marriage. Either would make a ton of sense. But, here 
is where the viewer is thrown for a loop, the greatest loop in commercial 
history. The voice informs us: "Marijuana can impair your judgment."

And that was the end of the commercial, the end of a roller coaster ride of 
emotions. First we feel happy, "Ahhh, they're having a baby!" Then 
apprehension sets in, "Why do they look so nervous?" And after that we are 
shocked, "It's not the woman that's pregnant, it's their teenager." 
Finally, a cloud of confusion falls over our minds "The pregnancy was 
caused by her having smoked weed?"

As I thought about it more, the puzzlement began to disperse. It wasn't the 
weed that knocked her up. The smoking of the weed impaired her judgment 
such that she went out and had sex, thus leading to the unplanned 
pregnancy. Marijuana isn't the father of the baby, but it might as well be. 
Hell, her judgment was so impaired by the weed that she doesn't even know 
who the father is. Life lesson learned: don't smoke marijuana, you'll lose 
your mind and get pregnant if you do.

Not only does the commercial give us a life-changing message, it also 
leaves room for an advertising dynasty. It seems that it is already part 
two of a series. Remember the girl who takes a hit from the bong and falls 
back into the clutches of a lecherous teenager in that "Harmless?" ad. I 
think that is the same girl in the Super Bowl ad.

I can see part three now: A young woman paces in front of a nursery. We see 
a three-week old baby that is hooked up to a breathing machine. Words 
appear on the screen or a voiceover begins: "Marijuana impaired her 
judgment. She got pregnant. Now her baby was born premature." The baby's 
heart monitor beeps and spells out the slogan: "Harmless?"

I'm not sure about the statistical link between smoking marijuana and 
pregnancy rates, but this ad scared me into learning the appropriate course 
of action concerning weed. I won't smoke because I don't want to get 
pregnant. Pay no attention to the fact that I can't get pregnant because 
who knows what will happen if you smoke pot? The ends justify the means: 
Harmless?