Pubdate: Fri, 06 Dec 2002 Source: Province, The (CN BC) Page: A21 Copyright: 2002 The Province Contact: http://www.canada.com/vancouver/theprovince/ Details: http://www.mapinc.org/media/476 Author: Patti Ricciuti Bookmark: http://www.mapinc.org/mjcn.htm (Cannabis - Canada) Bookmark: http://www.mapinc.org/youth.htm (Youth) Bookmark: http://www.mapinc.org/people/Jason+Ricciuti (Ricciuti, Jason) 'HE DIDN'T KNOW HOW FINAL IT WAS' Mom Patti Ricciuti Talks Out About Son Jason's Death As the mom of the 15-year-old hockey player who took his life in Surrey last month after being threatened with a team suspension for possessing marijuana, I need to speak out about some terribly important things. When I read The Readers' Page opinions on the zero-tolerance drug rule in amateur hockey, I was absolutely devastated. While I realize they were written by people who don't know the whole story, I'm glad people are talking about it. We want to help others, especially kids. Here are the points I'd like to raise: Firstly, people need to know that most suicides are not planned or thought out. Jason was a very happy, well-adjusted kid who didn't have many problems. He fit in, was popular, and had everything going for him. But he got into a dark place that made the problem bigger than him. He acted quickly -- as soon as he was left alone. He didn't know how final it was going to be. We aren't sure if he meant to be successful, maybe he thought he'd be found in time and that they would be more lenient with him. We'll never know. It's true, you can't stay with someone all the time. But I'm thinking about the other kids, the teenagers and hockey players who go out of town on tournaments without their parents. I know if Jason had not been left alone, he would have seen things in a different light. He would have handled the situation with his coaches and us. If he could have just hung on until he was out of that desperate place he was in, he would still be here. Instead, he made the coaches think he was OK. What can we learn from this? You're on a road trip, you get in trouble, and the RULE should be that a couple of people have to stay with you whether you like it or not because that is THE RULE. We've paid a high enough price -- we don't want anyone else to have to go through this. This is not to suggest it's okay to use alcohol and drugs. Under NO circumstances should a child be allowed to bring this into any sport. We loved the fact that Jason was in a sport that kept him busy so he had less time for that stuff. We had an open and honest relationship with him - -- we knew he smoked pot once in a while. After all, he was a teenager. He knew the rules. He knew if there had to be a time and place, it was NOT at school and NOT at hockey. They don't mix. All we're trying to say is we need to design rules so that the policy on drugs and the consequences of use is not so vague. We're dealing with kids' they bound to make mistakes. Jason wasn't the first and will certainly not be the last to bring pot with him. In fact, there was a pot episode earlier this year involving a buddy of Jason's. The boy met a "disciplinary team" of three adults who were not involved in hockey and who had volunteered to decide what disciplinary action would be taken against kids who misbehave. Jason knew the kid had been suspended for the rest of the season. The boy was banned from going near the arena while his team was there. We told Jason we thought it may have been too harsh, but he knew what had happened to this boy. Why not have rules -- in black and white -- stating what will happen if a player breaks the drug and alcohol rules? We're not saying we should tolerate it or that we should go easy on them. But why not suspend an offender for five to 10 games, but make him attend all the practices? It would keep him involved and mom and dad would still know what he was doing. There isn't one kid we know who wouldn't be taught a good lesson from this and never get caught doing it again. If the association was to suspend every kid who tried alcohol or pot, even at outside hockey events, we wouldn't have enough kids left to fill the rep teams. It's not fair that because these kids are exceptional athletes they are expected to be perfect. Society asks them to not be regular teenagers and to not want to fit in with their peers and friends outside of hockey. Talk about pressure. NHL players or pro athletes facing alcohol problems or possession charges aren't ostracized from their sport. The team stands by them and tries to help them. Here's my reply to those of you who wondered: "If it meant so much to him then why did he do it?" It was not a normal tournament but a fun weekend aimed at bonding players and coaches. Most players had referred to it as a "party" weekend with an exhibition game thrown in. Had it been a tournament weekend, none of the boys would have had anything with them. I wish people understood this fact. To the person who wrote, "What kind of a house (family) did he have to go home to, what were his parents like?" let me say Jason loved us -- and he knew we loved him. I know he was disappointed in himself. That's the kind of kid he was. He worried and cared about what others thought of him. To the woman who said it wasn't fair of us to say "if Jason wasn't alone he'd be home with us today": We have asked the coaches not to hold themselves responsible and have begged them to not to quit coaching. WE DON'T BLAME ANYONE FOR THIS. But that doesn't mean we can't try to change things to help save another kid. We need a RULE in Jason's memory, one that I know he would be proud and happy to be a part of. Something positive has to come out of this for us and for so many others who cared. Yes, I want people to talk about suicide and the issues surrounding minor hockey, but we felt so hurt and misunderstood that I had to say something about it. I also want to tell you and the reporters who covered this story they really tried to use tact, sensitivity and respect for us. We can't express how much we appreciated that. Thank you for listening. Patti Ricciuti, Kelowna - --- MAP posted-by: Jackl