Pubdate: Wed,  6 Feb 2002
Source: Appalachian News-Express (KY)
Copyright: 2002 Appalachian News-Express
Author: Larry Webster
Note: Larry Webster is a Pikeville attorney and one of the founders of the 
Appalachian Express, a predecessor of the News-Express. "Red Dog" often 
contains satire and is not always meant to be taken literally.
Bookmark: (Youth)



We were comforted to see that each state trooper in Pike County will adopt 
a school and patrol it, fully armed and ready to fight all that crime. We 
assume the cop who thought that up will benefit from being around some 
grade school to finish learning some things that the inventor of such a 
daffy scheme never picked up in the first place. This may come as a 
surprise to those scared to death of school children, but the only crimes 
going on at school are committed by the certified personnel.

The last time the state police investigated crime in the schools was when 
somebody wanted to know where all the football and basketball ticket money 
was going. The hump you see in the school system rug is from that being 
swept under it, a fact known only to a two-vote superintendent or so. A 
two-vote superintendent can be explained by the fact you need three to stay.

Maybe those hall monitor cops can help clean up after the county's fat and 
lazy drug dog, which can sniff lockers but which has been trained to keep 
his wet nose away from big-time suppliers. Fido focuses on day care and 
kindergarten and looks for drugs the way President Bush hunts Osama bin 
Laden -- hoping not to smell them.

A good way to feed that drug dog free would be to let it eat some of that 
stuff when the city takes a free dump at the expense of the county. The 
city didn't want to pay the $25 a ton to the county to dump garbage, opting 
to pay Floyd County $40 a ton. They could park that new dog van on the dump 
at night and let Fido graze, or even teach him to go to city commission 
meetings and sniff out people who will pay what they owe.

That garbage could be stored on the ground where the new civic center would 
be. That civic center has claimed all Pike County's severance tax money for 
four years and is about $1.3 million short of money to start. This is about 
the amount of money that all magistrates not named "Chick" vote each time 
the governor asks them to, so that there will be nothing for county judges 
not favored by the governor to lay claim to for the people.

But at least we are protected from janitors running against magistrates. 
They have to quit to do so, lest they vacuum to their political advantage. 
They are allowed to keep working if they constantly suck their bosses, who 
do not have to quit to run, and who run all the time and never stop. That 
sort of smells and maybe the drug dog will get to howling about it.
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MAP posted-by: Terry Liittschwager