Pubdate: Thu, 01 Aug 2002 Source: Daily Nebraskan (NE Edu) Copyright: 2002 Daily Nebraskan Contact: http://www.dailyneb.com/ Details: http://www.mapinc.org/media/1176 Author: Zack Lane MOROCCANS ARE CRAFTY Ting-a-ling. Dangerous Dave phoned me again. He is pissed because last month his drug pipeline clogged with Spaniards. (This is my man, Dangerous Dave, the Northern Irishman who has a penchant for pipe/drum bands and injections of illegal narcotics.) You see, my gentle reader, the trouble with Europe is that it has no Mexico. Not even a Colombia. All it's got is an Afghanistan and a Morocco. And the Afghani opium market is only now starting to recover since the Taliban have been chased away. Deprived of his precious horse, Dangerous Dave had recourse to sticky chunks of cheap Moroccan hash. "It was only 15 quid for a chunk as fat as a bleeding phalange," said Dave. "But because of those arsehead dagos I'm stuck till Parliament gets around to decriminalizing cannibus. Dammit, that won't be till February!" Last month Moroccan hashish smugglers had an unforeseen setback: Spanish warships patrolling the Strait of Gibralter. Poor Dangerous Dave has suffered in silence with only his tremors for company. Morocco is a country in the northwest corner of Africa. Together with Spain, the two countries form a gate around the entrance to the Mediterranean Sea. The Strait of Gibralter is like the vagina to the salty Mediterranean uterus. Morocco used to be a French-Spanish colony. It gained independence in 1956. Soon after, Morocco became a constitutional monarchy. The king's name is Mohammed VI. Mohammed VI is unhappy with Spain. Three weeks ago, he ordered half a dozen poorly armed Moroccan soldiers to wade out to an off-shore islet at low tide. The islet is wee and barren. It is plum full of underbrush, pebbles and lichen. Translated, its name is Parsley Island. The soldiers waddled up the largest rubble pile and planted a Moroccan flag. Until then, Parsley Island's only inhabitants were goats. According to my sources, the goats were in charge of their own affairs. Goats beside, Parsley Island is owned by Spain. The Spanish people caught wind of the flag and petitioned the government for retribution. They demanded that the government chase the cheeky Moors away. So the government sent ships and helicopters and fierce, mustachioed Spanish sailors. This was the first invasion of Western-European land since World War II. Spying the glint of Spanish steel, the Moroccans folded their flag and waded back to the mainland. Besides, the Moroccan soldiers had brought no provisions and were hungry. Behind them the Moroccans left a turbulent wake of confusion, ire and derisive laughter. The whole affair is perfect farce. What if the USA had to forcibly occupy a rock inhabited by bracken and goats? This is an quintessential international crisis. NATO, the UN and Mr. Colin Powell hurried to iron out the matter. The relationship between the two countries has degraded severely in the last year. Morocco pulled its ambassador in response to Spain's refusal to discuss issues of mutual concern: illegal immigration and drug smuggling via the Strait of Gibralter. Plus there is the issue of Spain's other old colonial possessions. Morocco is mainly concerned with two islands: Ceuta and Melilla. Both islands are a silver dollar's throw from the Moroccan mainland and remain in Spanish hands because of counter-intuitive colonial logic. The impetus behind the last month's invasion lay in the fact that the 1956 treaty of independence did not specifically mention Parsley Island. Generalissimo Franco intentionally skipped over Parsley Island because of its role in the second world war. Though Spain declared itself neutral during the war, Franco lent Parsley Island to the Nazis. That fascist bastard Franco gifted Hitler a base to patrol the entrance to the Mediterranean. Which, in turn, is why the Moroccans want it - to patrol for drug/immigrant smugglers. Meanwhile the whole affair has interrupted the celebration of King Mohammed VI's wedding. A joyous festival full of flowers, mirth and snake charmers. Among the wedding guests: Bill Clinton and the Chelsanator. It also interrupted Dangerous Dave's habit. Morocco is guilty of brilliant diplomacy. Its ridiculous "invasion" has given it a forum to voice its concerns. As a bonus, the Spanish military presence has choked smuggling routes. The drug dealers now have more to fear than barbaric apes. But Dangerous Dave needed to clean up his act anyway. Zack Lane Senior English major Detroit, MI - --- MAP posted-by: Beth