Pubdate: Sun, 27 May 2001
Source: Blade, The (OH)
Copyright: 2001 The Blade
Contact:  http://www.toledoblade.com/
Details: http://www.mapinc.org/media/48
Author: Erica Blake, Sandra Svoboda
Bookmark: http://www.mapinc.org/pot.htm (Cannabis)
Bookmark: http://www.mapinc.org/rehab.htm (Treatment)
Bookmark: http://www.mapinc.org/hea.htm (Higher Education Act)

AGENCIES CAN INTERVENE WITH TROUBLED TEENS

Roxanne Feldkamp feverishly scribbled notes as dozens of social 
workers told her why their drug-treatment centers were not 
appropriate for her 16-year-old son. With phone call after phone 
call, she came up empty-handed searching for an in-patient program.

Some were out-patient or voluntary, but her son would not willingly attend.

Others needed a court order to treat adolescents, which she did not 
have for him since he had not been convicted of any crimes.

Some suggested the Feldkamps wait until they could secure government 
funding, though the Hudson, Mich., couple was willing to pay for 
their son's care.

Meanwhile, Aaron got worse. He went from occasionally cutting class 
to staying away from home for days at a time. His "B" average 
plummeted. He progressed from verbally abusing his brother to more 
physical violence. And he admitted to regularly using marijuana.

His parents did not know what to do.

"My concern was for this child as he started to nose dive. All I was 
trying to do was save this child," said Mrs. Feldkamp, 46.

Desperate to keep him home until a treatment site was available, she 
admits to chaining Aaron to 180 pounds of tractor weights in a 
basement bedroom of their farmhouse.

Arrested by Hillsdale County sheriff's deputies earlier this month, 
she and her husband, David, 56, are facing a charge of felony child 
abuse, punishable by up to four years in prison with a conviction.

"The only other thing I could have done was sit on him and make sure 
he stays home," she said.

Parents disciplining their teens by chaining them in the basement may 
seem an unheard of, extreme measure to many. But as children's 
behavior gets less controllable, parental frustration reaches the 
level of the Feldkamps.

"People don't understand the desperation that parents experience when 
their child is using, and they don't have easy answers on how to deal 
with it," said Jay Salvage, executive director of the Lucas County 
Alcohol and Drug Addiction Services Board.

Parents such as the Feldkamps are struggling with a question that has 
no simple answer: How can they find effective help for teens who are, 
at best, unruly, and at worst, a danger to themselves?

"My heart goes out to parents who are at their wits' end. There is no 
one more creative than a teenager who wants to rebel. We are 
overmatched as parents," said Lucas County Juvenile Judge James Ray.

Judge Ray, family counselors, and parenting experts recommend parents 
start by establishing behavioral standards and consequences early in 
a child's life.

"I think you start by letting your kids know what your expectations 
are: 'I expect you never to use,'" Judge Ray said.

Families should be having ongoing conversations about drugs and 
alcohol, as well as other behavior issues, said Bruce Johnson, 
division manager of chemical dependency programs at St. Anthony's 
Villa.

Nearly 43 percent of high school seniors reported using marijuana 
last year in the same study.

If parents want to prevent their children's drug use, they should 
follow their own advice not to smoke or drink to excess, Mr. Johnson 
said.

"Kids hear what you say, but they see what you do," he said. "If the 
parents make good decisions, kids will see that, and they'll model 
the behavior they see."

Sherry Krieger, a social worker at Connection Point, recommends 
parents have a member of their extended family or a close friend 
available for support when arguments with teens cannot be quickly 
resolved at home or when behavioral issues become ongoing.

"You can get third-party input from a neutral person involved who can 
offer suggestions, listen to both sides of the situation, and help 
the family come up with the resolution or whatever's going to help 
that situation the best," she said. "Allow the child especially to 
have some freedom in who they talk with, though it needs to be a 
responsible person."

But parents such as the Feldkamps need additional help and guidance 
when their teens start acting out, becoming more rebellious or 
violent, and using drugs, Judge Ray said.

"At the first sign of the deviation and sneakiness and lying that is 
often concomitant with alcohol and other drug use, you jump in and 
instead of hoping it will go way, you become very active," he said.

"That does two things. One, it lets your child know that you really 
care, even though the child doesn't want you to behave that way; and 
the second thing is that it might just save them from a horrible 
waste of their lives."

The stories of parents who have "jumped in" are told in frustrated 
voices, but they offer suggestions for what may help restore families 
with children who are rebelling beyond safe boundaries.

"Dawn," who asked that her real name not be published, is a Toledo 
mother with an adopted son who was taken from his biological mother 
after repeated abuse.

Eight-year-old "Mike" sees a counselor twice a week, attends an 
alternative school, and has been hospitalized for psychiatric 
treatment. Despite intensive therapy, he runs away.

So each night he sleeps in his bed in Dawn's bedroom, behind double 
dead-bolt locks that his mother considers the third grader's 
protection from the dangers he'd face on the streets.

She likens her actions to the Feldkamps.

"Basically that's what they did with their son. They put him in a 
place where he couldn't run away, and he couldn't get out. They know 
he's safe there. They're not trying to hurt him," she said. 
"[Although] I agree that the degree of the confinement that it 
appears that the couple resorted to was extreme."

Dawn now has experience as a foster parent with Lucas County Children 
Services and a child adopted from the agency, a school system willing 
to provide special programs, a school counselor linked to a local 
treatment program, access to crisis mental-health services for her 
son, and knowledge of how the criminal justice system handles runways.

But she knows the difficulties in finding the right services and 
coordinating them, especially when first searching for help.

"People say there are resources, but when you try to use them, 
they're not there," Dawn said. "That's the hard part. I guess you 
have to take it one step at a time."

Many service providers say help is available to those who seek it 
out, but parents say they feel alone when searching to save their 
children. And often they reach a dead end.

William Pope, an intake coordinator at a Farmington, Mich.,-based 
inpatient drug-treatment center, said children end up in the court 
system before they are eligible for an inpatient program. But many 
families are like the Feldkamps who wanted to save their child before 
they end up with a criminal record or worse.

For those parents, they can only choose from outpatient and volunteer 
treatment programs.

"It's really rough for a lot of people because a lot of counties 
don't have anything for people who have kids heavily involved in 
substance abuse," said Mr. Pope of Boy-Girl Republic. "There are 
treatment centers, but the kid has to check in and stay in. With 
kids, that's not very feasible."

Some additional help does exist for adoptive parents such as the Feldkamps.

Lucas County Children Services established a department of pre-and 
postadoption services 11 months ago to provide continuing assistance 
to families with adopted children from the agency and elsewhere.

"Adoption is a lifelong process for that person. When these families 
adopt, it's a lifelong process for that family too," said Donna Seed, 
pre/post adoption supervisor. "Adoptive families go through an 
amazing array of emotions. These children can be very challenging, 
and sometimes families need to know that support is there when they 
hit those periods of crisis."

"I don't think families are really aware of all the services that may 
be available to them," Ms. Seed said. "Sometimes it's very hard to 
know where everything is or to have a central number to go to and 
say, 'Can you help me?'"

Adoptive parents in Ohio are eligible for up to $15,000 a year per 
child to help pay for medical or psychiatric treatments. Through the 
Post-Adoption Special Services Subsidy, or PASSS, program, 
established in 1992, Ohio families with children under age 18 can 
apply for financial assistance through the Ohio Department of Job and 
Family Services.

In Michigan, the Family Independence Agency is working to offer a 
wider array of post-adoption services, said Jean Hoffman, adoption 
program manager. But the agency believes strongly that the family 
should try to meld together without interference, she said.

"Essentially when a family adopts a child, the agency is no longer 
involved, except on a voluntary basis," Ms. Hoffman said. "We and 
they expect that when a person adopts a child, the system is no 
longer in their life, and they are assuming a parental role."

Bonnie, who asked that her last name not be used, has four adopted 
children and is raising a niece in her Toledo home. When her 
13-year-old son started staying out all night and admitted using 
drugs, she got scared for him, her family, and herself.

"I knew there was something wrong here that was more than I could 
handle," she said. "I started to worry that he would be in danger if 
I didn't get some help."

Bonnie knew to call Lucas County Children Services, the agency from 
which she adopted him. Caseworkers there recognized problems, she 
said, and helped her find counseling for her son and herself.

She called for police intervention when he ran away, scheduled 
sessions with her clergy, sought support from other parents, and 
enrolled her son in multiple residential drug-treatment programs.

"I want him to know that we've still got his best interests at heart. 
I don't want him to feel abandoned," she said. "He's got a lot of 
positives that are promising."

It took Bonnie's careful navigation of several systems, aided by her 
documentation of all the events, before she got help for herself and 
her son. First, she had contact with school officials when her son 
acted up. Then, she had Children Services caseworkers and 
postadoption counselors. She and her son entered the criminal justice 
system when police brought him home as a runaway and when he was 
charged after a fight. Finally, three drug treatment programs have 
admitted him.

She has found benefits from each of the experiences but wishes more 
comprehensive services were available.

Her complaint is common, according to Deacon Dzierzawski, executive 
director of the Lucas County Community Prevention Partnership.

"Systems fail parents. Sometimes it's unintentionally. Sometimes it's 
by training. We tend to look at ourselves as the child-rearing 
experts and not the parents," he said.

"Usually the kids we end up with are in these dire situations. The 
parents aren't equipped with the right things. We as social service 
systems tend to look at parents not as helpers but as hinderers. We 
don't do a very good job supporting them in doing what they do."

One Toledo group is focused only on helping parents helping their children.

A United Way agency, the Parents Helping Parents' group's four staff 
members and dozens of volunteers organize weekly support group 
meetings at eight Toledo, Oregon, and Findlay sites.

Directed and founded by Barb Laraway, whose 14-year-old son was 
running away and using drugs in the 1980s, the group offers its 
members support, comfort, and true compassion and understanding to 
each other and help find the tools to help "fix" their families.

"We're all geared to take care of our kids; that's our job," Ms. 
Laraway said. "We are so scared that our kids are going to die."

Mr. and Mrs. Feldkamp had such fears and continue to worry about 
their son, although now they are not able to contact him. The state 
placed him and his younger brother in foster homes.

The Feldkamp family's future is in the hands of the court, with the 
next event a Wednesday juvenile court hearing on Aaron's status. 
Regardless of what promises to be a years-long struggle, Mrs. 
Feldkamp thinks time will change everyone's perspective, especially 
Aaron's.

"I think my son will grow up and understand why I did what I did," 
Mrs. Feldkamp said. "He will understand when he grows out of it and 
matures."
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MAP posted-by: Josh Sutcliffe