Pubdate: Sat, 26 May 2001
Source: WorldNetDaily (US Web)
Copyright: 2001, Inc.
Author: Ralph Reiland
Note: Ralph Reiland is the B. Kenneth Simon Professor of Free Enterprise at 
Robert Morris College and the co-author of "Mom & Pop vs. the Dreambusters."
Bookmark: (Drug Testing)


The best feedback to a recent column I wrote on drugs came from a reader in 
the North Hills of Pittsburgh. Happy that I spotlighted some fatal missteps 
in the war on drugs, and surmising that I'm some pothead who can't keep his 
hands off hash, he e-mailed a few good shopping tips on the internet --, and

The big deal on is "The Urinator," "a fully self-contained" 
and "thermostatically-controlled state-of-the-art electronic device that 
uses two 9-volt batteries" to mix water "in the right temperature range" 
with a "laboratory clean concentrated urine to provide the test facility 
with a clean toxin-free sample." I think one of my former employees, eager 
to suggest urine testing, had one of these.

The directions? "Turn switch to ON position and conceal The Urinator. In 
testing facility, undo clasp, open top of dehydrated urine container. Allow 
fluid to pour into testing cup. Turn in sample and leave."

The Urinator, says the producer, "does what no other product can: protects 
its user, no matter what their intake." And it's cost effective: "This 
product can be used literally hundreds of times -- even shared with 
others." And little: "It's small, easy to conceal size will keep you 
prepared for the random or pre-employment urine tests that are becoming so 
common today."

For $149.95, here's what you get: "Toxin-free concentrated urine; 
electronically controlled heater; testing strips; calibrated bottle-filling 
device; soft, flexible folding pouch; a blanket guarantee on testing 
outcomes; discreet packaging and shipment." Who wants the mailman to see 
you're a big buyer of concentrated urine in plain brown wrappers?

And there's a refill deal: "Drug-Free Concentrated Urine, $34.95, 
guaranteed to beat any of the urine tests. Just add warm water!" Plus a 
test-beating system that's cheaper and less high-tech, without all the 
heaters and batteries: "Bake-N-Shake ... A revolutionary new product which 
removes toxins from a urine sample. The toxins remain in the bag and are 
discarded when the users throw the bag away. $32." Remember when it was 
just Iron City and the Bake-N-Shake was for the chicken?

And if the boss gets tricky and starts pulling out your hair instead of his 
own, there's a test-busting shampoo, better than Prell: "Clear Choice 
Shampoo ... Rid your Hair of Toxins with Clear Choice Shampoo. Removes all 
residues and toxins within 10 minutes. $35."

At, it's stuff for the home, like the Tanita 1479, the 
"all-time favorite" scale with "feather touch sensitivity and an accuracy 
of 0.1 grams," and a big selection of "Color-Changing Glass Pipes," all the 
way up to "8-inch tall multi-bubblers," each one "specially handcrafted and 
individually blown." The good part, for those bored with TV? "As the pipe 
is being used, the colors change." And for the kitchen wall, a nice "Hemp 
Leaf Clock," $16.95. And what to wear while all this is going on? A "Black 
Poncho with White Marijuana Leaf on back," $19.95.

Says Mother Earth Shop, Bongs and Waterpipes: "All our products are 
intended for tobacco use only." What, the Tanita scale with "feather touch 
sensitivity" is for all those folks who weigh their Marlboros?

And at, everything's made easy: Visa, MasterCard, American 
Express, Discover, two-day express delivery, and "Gift Certificates, Bridal 
Registry, and Gift Wrapping Too." For the happy bride who needs a happy 
pipe? The "Bad Mushroom Pipe," $150, and, higher up, a selection of "Signed 
Artist Pieces," like the "Wicked Sidecar," by Shana, $300.

Well, sorry to disappoint my e-mailer, but the straight dope is that I 
don't own a bong pipe and don't monkey around with anything more potent 
than a couple of chardonnays at lunch. That's it -- zero crack, no smack, 
no Grateful Dead bumper stickers, no snorting, toking, shooting, whippets 
or popping, no pipe dreams, and no getting fit-shaced from glue.

My argument isn't pro-drug, but a call for some common sense and fine 
tuning in the war on drugs. Jacob Sullum, senior editor at Reason magazine 
makes the point: "In the case of alcohol, people routinely make such 
distinctions. They see a difference between responsible and irresponsible 
use, between moderate drinkers and alcoholics. The same sorts of 
distinctions can and should be applied to other drugs, whatever their 
current legal status."

That distinction isn't being made with marijuana, says Sullum. First, some 
76 million Americans have tried marijuana, according to the National 
Household Survey on Drug Abuse -- more than one-third of the population 
over the age of 12. Second, the government's own data show that people who 
use marijuana typically do so in moderation and don't move on to harder 
drugs. Third, studies show that fewer than one-tenth of marijuana users 
have ever experienced "drug dependence." The comparable figure for alcohol 
is 15 percent. And, fourth, marijuana -- the main target of the war on 
drugs -- accounts for more than 500,000 arrests per year, nearly 90 percent 
for simple possession, not dealing.

The result? It took over 200 years for America to hold one million 
prisoners all at once. Now we've managed to incarcerate the second million 
in only the last 10 years, with at least 450,000 behind bars for 
non-violent drug offenses, all while the nation's treatment programs are 
being shortchanged in order to build more jails.
- ---
MAP posted-by: Terry Liittschwager