Pubdate: Wed, 31 May 2000 Source: International Herald-Tribune (France) Copyright: International Herald Tribune 2000 Contact: 181, Avenue Charles de Gaulle, 92521 Neuilly Cedex, France Fax: (33) 1 41 43 93 38 Website: http://www.iht.com/ Page: 7 Author: Robert Stern LET'S HAVE A 2D OLYMPICS FOR ALL ATHLETES ON DRUGS BEIJING - The Olympics are coming. Despite all the ritual assurances that this time they'll be drugfree, we all know we're going to get a doping scandal or two, each of which will deepen our disillusion with professional sports, and temper our admiration for the apparently legitimate winners. But it doesn't have to be this way. Here's a modest proposal: Hold two separate Olympic Games, one for the druggies, and one for the purists. The Drug-O-Lympics will feature pumped-up supermen (and former superwomen whose testosterone treatments have pushed them over the gender edge) who can swallow, inject or smoke whatever they want, no holds barred, if they think it'll make them run faster, throw further, or jump higher; steroids, beta-blockers, human growth hormone, modified genes - anything goes. At the Clean-O-Lympics we'll see the slender physiques of the drug-free, their bodies as free from artificial stimulants as their consciences are from guilt and paranoia. Consider the advantages: * We could celebrate victories without them being tainted by suspicion of unfair advantage. No more fallen role models desperately trying to convince a cynical public they really are clean. Linford Christie and Merlene Ottey could hold their heads high, whichever event they chose to participate in. * We would find out once and for all how much difference drug taking actually makes. Maybe all those young East German lives were ruined for nothing. * The TV ratings would answer why it is that we watch the Olympics - do we want to gawk at the limits of human achievement, or to cheer on ordinary heroes and heroines? Is it a freak show or a soap opera? Which advertisers go for which version and how much they were prepared to pay - would be most instructive. The one thing everyone in the sports business seems able to agree on is that drugs in sports, like prostitution and cannabis smoking, is not going to go away. Indeed, the problem will only grow, as sports becomes more professional, and the financial gap widens between the gold medalist thrusting his logo-spattered chest over the finish line and The Guy Who Came Fourth, unnoticed a few hundredths of a second later. Promises of more punitive fines and foolproof testing only stimulate the ingenuity of the drug takers. Are we more interested in the cartoon-like physique of Ben Johnson, or the heart-warming achievements of the Cambodian long-distance runner, crossing the line hours after the winner? Do we want to see Michelle Smith, or Eddie the Eagle? The answer is probably both, but this way each would have their own appropriate theater. A colleague who recently saw the Chinese Olympic female swim team, once all-conquering when doped to the goggles, told me the new drugfree lot looked like, well, typical Chinese women in swimsuits, rather than the familiar bearded behemoths. Will we cheer their fifth place in the semifinal to the rafters, or dismiss them as no-hopers? I can imagine many objections to this proposal. If the Clean-O-Lympics prove more popular, the temptation to take drugs to improve performance might grow. Others will object that the Drug-O-Lympics would mean tacit approval of drug taking, and represent another step for Modem Society down the moral ladder. Possibly, but nearly all banned drugs are illegal only because sporting bodies have decreed them so the Cuban Javier Sotomayor's cocaine bust was a rare exception. Most athletes are busted for using over-the-counter cold remedies. Some thought Mark McGwire's home-run record was diminished by the fact he took muscle-building supplements banned by some athletic bodies, but not Major League Baseball. Anyway, we may not like steroids, but let's put this into perspective. Are the risks of informed drug use (as opposed to those tragic Cold War sacrificial lambs being force-fed "vitamin supplement" pills) really any worse than those we deem acceptable, or at least legal, like boxing or even ballet dancing? And let me tell you about another idea I've had: interactive cricket, where the viewer can dial in a bribe to the player or umpire of their choice, with the latest tallies digitally displayed on the backsides of the participants as the bids and counterbids roll in. The writer, a free-lance journalist, contributed this comment to the International Herald Tribune. - --- MAP posted-by: Allan Wilkinson